life is a cruel sick joke, a twisted game. they say see a therapist, the last one charged me 500.00. i am on medicare/medicaid, that twisted ***** was making a fortune off of me. never want to see another T again. ive had at least two refuse to see me b/c they cant handle my history of incest, homelessness, ptsd, disability, trauma, and all the lovely shit along the way.
found a photo online of my abuser. dont want to go into it other than to say that evil wins. i tried to protect the innocent only to say that the evil always win down here.
i tried to make friends only to have them hurt me with stupid cruel q’s, insensitive assholes, all. i tried to write people online but they disappear or else they want to use you like the guy with the ptsd blog who wanted to use material from our convos. i said ok then realized it was all about his ego and career. his care for me was not even there, or if it is, im too skewed to see it, too distorted now after so many hits.
i hear voices. i lift boulders with my baby brain. i endure stigma. ive had enough of it all. this world is too sick to be borne with ptsd. grandma the ***** next door is gone for awhile but her kid had to come in here late one night close to midnight to bang around. no one cares about nobody. selfish world too cruel for me. they say love yourself, who loves me, love me, what is love? what a joke, their stupid callow one size fits all words and models. someone once said nobody can do anything for you, really? you can take someone out for coffee or care about someone besides your own sad little self. you can bake them a cake. you can do things ive tried to do for others.
im not able to endure this world anymore. too much to say i will never say.
oh yeah, and prayer does nothing
adios for now
3 comments
yes it is! it’s suppose to be, it’s all about survival, in order to survive we must get something for our services, even when it comes to helping people, it’s all about business, collecting a check, the money has to come from somewhere? it’s all about greed, capitalizing off the misery of other’s, helping people for nothing is few and far between, why would i go to college and get a degree, study and suffer and pay huge amounts of money to help people for nothing? it would be nice if people went into helping others because that’s what they really want to do and expect nothing in return, but who’s going to do that? how about you and i? it kills me to think people like bill gates have billions and don’t donate it to help people? he could donate 99% of his wealth and still live like a god!!!!!! greed!!! is the route of all evil, the world is what it is.
yes bill gates could aid so many ;( and winfrey, and others like him, sitting on their millions and billions. how can they do it? i could not.
this world is backwards in every single way.
i read this again, were you dissing me or aiding me rocketman?? if you were dissing me, not so nice