The waiting room

I don’t know when but sometime soon i will end it all. Im hoping for an opportunity sooner rather than later. Even still the wait is awful. I wish hanging would have worked but it doesn’t. I can’t wait to not be bombarded by life with all the ways I am too insignificant or incompetent. I can’t way for the peace and embrace of death. I’ve learned from countless failed and aborted attempts that you cant bank on death(give up on everything until you die) I’m comfortable with the decision to die. There is nothing else to do on this planet that i will actually do. I pray the afterlife doesn’t exist and that i will be absent of existing at all. The thought of not existing gives me more joy than anything. Im a fat ugly fuck up that doesnt have to be reminded of his insignificance anymore. Death is life’s only true blessing. Being dead makes me feel happier than anything that has happened with me living. Its my lifes dream. Its the most common thought that i have ever had. I am 28 (almost 29 but i wont see that day) and i dont remember not wanting to die.