What a shot gun blast could do

Guns are scary. Ive held one to my own head before. I was scared to fuck it up. If i shoot myself then fall off that bridge it’ll all be over. Even if the shot is not perfect I’ll be dead because I’ll drown. The pain will be over. The depression will end. I won’t have to suffer anymore. 20 + years of meaningless existence over. The pain will end. I wish I had the balls to get one. Depending on the amount of suffering i deal with that could change. Im just tired of breathing. Im tired of typing that sentence. I’m tired of it being true. If my life was going to change it would have.