I am in so much pain

I know this pain your not alone. I’m adopted. I was lucky to even come to know my birth parents names. But not everything turned out how I hoped. It all still hurts. But I have to say I feel some peace not completely but some. I met my birthfather and his side of the family. I reached out and he answered a long time ago, but when I reached out to my mother nothing. I met my aunt and sister on her side. But that side of the family won’t have anything to do with me. I admit I forced open a door but I know it was meant to be. My birthmother has been gone for two years now. I wasn’t even told by my birthsiblings and birth family. I wasn’t invited to her funeral. But I did see a picture of her online. It’s all I have of her. We never met. So I feel your pain. Not knowing who we are and the answers to our questions it freaking hurts bad. For me I’ve had a rough start of life. I’m still struggling. I never coped well. I put up walls and pushed myself to keep going. But what helped was knowing my birth families some of them cared. My birth parents tried to do the best for me separately. What has kept me going is knowing my birthmother wanted a better life for me. Sometimes doors are closed and it’s painful. If you can’t find your father I hope in some way you have peace. But I still hope you keep trying. Maybe give your mom time I know that is hard. She may not help. But you never know if not in this world maybe in heaven we will all meet again.