In my family I’m the oldest of my two sisters (we are going to call them:) C and A. C being the first at 17 and A being the second youngest at 15. Me being of the age of 18 you’d think I wouldn’t be compared to my little sister (in this case my sister C)… But I am… A lot! I’m never just “Amanda” I’m just “C’s sister”.
“Oh! You are very shy compared to C.” “Your nothing like C is!” “You don’t look like C or A at all!” “You and C have nothing in comman.” These are just the few I can think of off the top of my head that people say to me.. I get these a lot and God does it get me annoyed and depressed..My sister will get questions from her friends asking if I’m just as gorgeous as she is and to there disappointment… I’m not. Everyone expects me to be better than her with looks and personality but no I’m nothing like that. I’m a lonely nobody being compared to somebody who everyone sees is greater than I am. Don’t get me wrong I love my sister but I hate, hate, hate, when friends or strangers compare me to her.. I don’t feel like I’m my own person. I feel like I’m the lesser version of her… I’m the first born disappointing version..If that makes sense?
I also am having a problem with being left out when I’m with my sisters too. Anytime I’m around any of them with a friend they all crowed around her. I mean I wouldn’t find it at all a problem if like I said I’m not being left out. It seems to happen a lot to the point were I have nightmares about it. It’s horrible really.. Laugh all you want but it’s something that scares me sometimes.. Being treated like something that’s only convenient when people need someone just feels terrible. I feel like maybe I could do more so they’ll like me but no matter how hard I try.. I fail. Telling people (my friends) about this will just make them irritated. They won’t understand and they’ll think I’m trying to control them..
I don’t want to be treated like this anymore.. If this continues on I don’t know what I’m going to do.. I want to be treated like my own individual person. I want to be loved. I just want to be me. I want to make people smile. I want to comfort those who are suffering..
but how can I when I can’t even help myself?
3 comments
I totally get it, I have an older brother and a younger brother, and a cousin that we grew up with together, so he’s like my third brother..
Anyways, I went to private school, the rest went to public school. I was the brainy one, into science channel and I mostly just studied and was someone who didn’t party or was into girls like that..
The rest went to public school and basicaly at times made fun of the fact that I went to private school, that I acted white, etc. It sucked. I felt like the odd man out, and I still do to this day. They were all about oggling girls and going to parties and eventually drinking and smoking weed. I wanted no part of any of that and I was basically looked at like some kind of freak… Now, because my younger brother is strong because all he did was go to the gym and became tall, and went to the army, that’s all anyone talks about. All they tell me about is my gray hair smh.
Anyways, I totally get it Gerbz. You can really draw. I remember a specific drawing you did that someone later inked I think.. You are def loved here. You’re a wonderful individual, okay? *hugs*
Anyways, I can understan
I always feel left out because I’m the youngest. And I have an older sister who happens to be perfect and my dad never argues with her but he does with me. My dad and sister are good people, but I always feel like my dad loves her more. I feel just like you do! Always left behind because I’m too young, the disappointing version of my sister, the one who’ll break the family apart if they found about the real depressed me that I hide so well. I completely get where you’re coming from.
Parents love their children equally. My brother also thought he was not loved as my parents loved us(me and my sister). He ended his life recently. Now he is not here to see how my parents are suffering with the loss. They were almost willing to take their lives as well. But they stopped realizing they have to live for me. Please don’t feel about how society treats you. Just look after your loved ones.