Jus need some where to vent

The past week has been a lil challenging, I jus keep thinking to myself, if I were to commit to some kind of suicide plan like many of yu post, if I keep in my mind there is a easy way out, its makes waking up do able, but when do I decide to go through with it , the easy way out? Is it courage I need or do I need somethin else? Absolute dispair maybe? I can only imagine how much of a relief it would to not wake up nd to quit the experience of life