Sleepless

Grrrr haven’t slept yet, and am now afraid to sleep, as I kind of want to do things today…. but I know I will oversleep…. Things have been kind of okay, but mostly just because I had a lot of distractions…. Which are kind of gone now, people are starting to grow tired of me again and starting to ignore me more…. Guess I’ve hit that point where they just get tired of me since I have the depth of a sheet of paper. -_- I run out of unique interactions and dialogue options quite quickly…. Meh whatever, I kind of even cried a bit just awhile ago…. I have no idea what’s even bothering me…. maybe I should sleep, and then when I wake up go out and play pokemon go, I am actually considering just stopping playing it anyway though…. there is no real point, there isn’t even decently developed PvP I could spend my time with a much better game instead and not even have to go outside…. But for some reason it feels quite nice and rewarding to grind experience in…. Probably because it takes a bit more effort than most grinding does in most games. Still probably going to quit sometime, which will make me feel bad, since I spent money and went out of my way just to be able to play it…. And I bought pizza yesterday, spent half of the weeks food money but had a coupon and pre much got a pizza free, so was only around $20 for two sixteen inch pizza’s so should be able to make that last the entire week (until Saturday)….

Saturday I won’t have to feed myself on as I am going to my sister’s for my nieces party, however not technically a free meal as I will have to buy a gift, actually probably more expensive than the other meals this week, then of course Sunday I am a slave to my family, so they feed me on that day…. So really I only need to make this pizza last another 3 days after today (and already ate today so I’m good for today) I see my counselor tomorrow, I am really kind of looking forward to seeing him for some reason, I don’t know why though…. I really should tell him that I haven’t been taking my medicine for several months now…. and that I’ve just kind of been stockpiling it….

I’ve been very tempted to burn myself lately, strangely enough not too tempted to cut myself though, like I even have a razor sitting on my desk from last time, and I’ve been constantly playing with it for the last week or so, kind of lightly considering dragging it threw my skin, but haven’t…. The thought just hasn’t been that appealing to me lately…. But the though of sticking my hand in the oven is quite appealing…. if I kept it in there long enough I could lose use of it…. I deserve that.

I really should make a list of topics to talk about with my counselor tomorrow, I always mean to do so…. But I know I wouldn’t bring them up as they are weird topics that he probably doesn’t want to hear about…. I really don’t know what’s okay to talk to a counselor about…. -_- and I don’t really want to be a little ***** and complain about all the things that bother me. :/

I hope that everyone is having a good day…. I’m sad that I have not been hanging around here much lately, I have no idea why but my interest for this place has dropped a bit…. probably because people have been paying more attention to me in other places…. I will come crawling back eventually -_-