Its been months now and i still dont feel right.

So it will be almost four months since my ex and I divorced .

I’m still so confused I still don’t know if I made the right choice .

I just don’t know if I gave up on it all or if I did it to save myself ,running for my life to say.

I do know I was under abuse in not sure if I’m still under there spell ot if I’m just negative nacy .

But if I go back how do I live …..knowing they all hate me ..  That my ex gave up in the relation ship way earlier than I thought with having an affair and all.but also how could he not see feel the cuts the scabs the W H in my thigh standing for work harder so I would not forget my time in knee deep snow & rain trying to make money was not a effort.

Shows me he did not care and has me thinking that I might be just as cruel for not calling him it reaching out for the three months .giving out the old excuse ” well he hasn’t looked for me so why should”

But maybe I’m just feeling bad for myself feeling like a victim or that he hurt so much .

mabey I am just that cold or is that how all those guys wanted me to think .

I’m just so confused.

Am I brain washed or am I right or am I just a horrblie human that just gave up.