i dont really know how to start my first post, but i guess this is going to be an introduction and the story of why am i here. well, i’m actually still young. i’m not gonna mention how old i am but once people know, they will say “wow, this is so hard for a kid your age.” i have this feeling for about 2-3 years. i took a lot of depression and anxiety test. i got 80% to 90% all the time. at first i dont want to believe, but i search up the symptoms of it and i guess i have one. when people ask me if i do have depression, i always say no. its just sadness.
the way i express myself to others is different from the way i am. people say that i am cheerful and always make people happy. they never thought anything about my sadness. i always hide myself deep inside my soul. once, i have a person who understand me. she help me through a lot of stuff but she’s fading away now. and i need someone to talk to, and help me.
two years ago, when the first time i feel this way is because i feel different. everyone thought that i’m weird at school. and the way they see me is like they’re looking at an alien. the guys at my class looks disgusted every time they walk and passing me. i started to shrink and think “am i weird? am i a freak?” i started to harm myself. but now i stopped because i realised it doesn’t really help.
everything was better, until one year ago i started to get confuse about my own sexuality. i never write anything about this or tell a lot of people. and this year, i admit to myself that i’m a bisexual. my mom found out by herself and she cried. she cried in front of me and i feel bad. i wanted to change, but i cant. i am now battling against myself and i have no idea what to do.
i am actually here for a reason. i wanted to help people that is battling depression. battling against themselves. the only thing that can make me happy is to help people until they feel better. i’ve once read a book and one of the quote say: ‘yes, i’m broken. and yes he’s broken. but the more we share our sadness, the more i start to believe that there could be a chance to fix us, a chance that we could fix each other.”
maybe if we have the same interest, it’ll be easier and more fun. i am a huge Marvel fan, i love reading books (mostly that mention depression and/or suicide), i listen to the 1975.
i just need help, even though from someone i barely even know. i feel like giving trust to stranger that know nothing about me and anyone around me is good. because no one around me will know (they dont even care about me anyways) i hope that i can help someone from here and also someone can help me too.
3 comments
welcome to the site. It is good to know that you stopped the self harm, and that you want to help individuals that have depression.
thank you 🙂 but i hope i can help myself also. but thanks for welcoming xx
I came to this post from your other one. You mentioned violence in your town and English is obviously not your first language (You certainly are using it well, I just see idiosyncrasies you don’t find with native speakers) and I wonder in which country you live.
It only matters insomuch as there are differences from one place to another how medical care is handled. Also, I’m curious what your first language is.
I’ve been clinically depressed since I was thirteen. School was a nightmare because of it. There was no internet to speak of back then, so I had the support of nobody. If nothing else, you have a way to reach people who understand and you can offer and accept help.