I feel so lost in everything. Literally everything is confusing to me. School is exhausting, i try and pay attention but everytime i hear them talk its all just words but no meaning behind them. I recently got introuble with school, actually this was yesterday to be exact. I was given a ticket for 2 charges of possession of paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance. Im suspended until the 31. This isnt the first time that ive gotten introuble like this and my family is so tired of me constantly fucking up once i do good. Everyone in my family has this image of me that i dont give a fuck about anything and that i dont think. That im stupid for smoking just a little bit of weed. They would never understand that weed has been the only thing apart from my brother and boyfriend that has helped me and give me a reason to keep on going. But now my brother sees me like they see me and it breaks me every god damn time. I cant stay in this fucking house. Yes i do have clothes and food in the fridge BUT I AM NOT HAPPY. Everyday im reminded of the things that ive done, some for which i dont really see as bad, but i just feel suffocated ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I want to move out, my bf has found a place for us already but the thing thats stopping me from doing that is school. I still want to finish and idk how my family would react to this, if they would just forget it and let me continue on by myself, or leave me at that and complaint me as a runaway. FUCK IDK WHAT IM GONNA DO BUT I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE I’LL DO THIS THIS TIME. Im sure i can figure out a way of finishing school and finding a job. Damn i just feel like giving up also nd just let life slip its way out of me. Im really fucking lost,