If i counted up every time ive killed myself in my mind. It would probably be around a hundred million. I’ve had attempt after attempt though its been a while. My date is September 1st 2017 to have a legit reason to live. Im counting down until the moment i end it all. When the pain of talking to people who have hurt you no longer exits and the burden of breathing stops. I took the brunt of everything you dealt with to be lied to. Why am I activity talking to you. I feel shitty enough on my own. I don’t want you to remind me of how inconsequential my existence is. Im angry angey im alive. Im angry because all one hundred million suicides were fictional.
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So what do you think is stopping you?
Honestly I would hate when my therapist would ask me this question because I wouldn’t even have an answer. I romanticize suicide and death, only because that is better than interacting and dealing with real life. One of these days though…
A bunch of failed attempts