I try not to bring my own problems to light, but I’m stressed right now. I feel like I don’t even exist most of the time. It’s not uncommon for me to go unacknowledged or to be talked over and forgotten about. Maybe it’s because I’m not outspoken enough. Hell, I hardly talk to be honest. But when I do, I don’t understand why people refuse to listen.
I’m entering one of the most important times of my life. I’m preparing my uni applications, the first of which is due on the first of next month, and I’m still kind of undecided about what I want to study. I feel like I know what I want to study, but as always, I seek the approval of others, especially my mother, as I’m interested in following her footsteps. But any time I bring up the topic, I get no reaction, no guidance, and no parental advice, even though that’s what they’re supposed to be there for.
I’m a straight-A student lacking motivation anymore. But I continue to do well in school to please my parents, and I don’t want to upset them with my choice of university and my major. They don’t even acknowledge me though, so they probably couldn’t care less about what I do with my life. They never cared when I was depressed and they found cuts on my wrist, so I don’t know why I expect them to give a shit now…
Fight off your demons.
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They say “It takes a village to raise a child” and I believe that’s true. Parents don’t always know what to say or do or how to be the best parent for their child. So sometimes its good to have mentors that help you along where your parent might be at a loss. This is not to say that you don’t love your parents but sometimes people really can be totally clueless and tuned out from important stuff in your life and needs that you have. They probably want to give you the world but they just don’t know how to do everything they’d like to do for you. So I’d say look for a mentor that will listen to you. I hope what I said helps somehow.
That actually is helpful. I don’t mean to put all of the blame on them. I know a lot of it is on me and my inability to make decisions for myself. And I know my father doesn’t know much about university because he never attended, though he is trying to keep me close to home so I’ll never leave this town. I’m not sure where I can find a mentor though…
The beginning of your post, it sounds like your lacking assertiveness. This a skill many people lack, myself included, and so I had to learn it and practice the skills until it felt natural.
One possibility is since you have such good grades, maybe your parents think you’ll do fine in whatever you decide. You did well getting to this point, I think you’ll do well in uni no matter what you decide to do.
As for a mentor, this can come from many sources. A teacher, a figure in a religious community, life coach, etc. They don’t all have to be someone you know in person, someone from a book (usually biography or autobiography), a sports figure, and anyone else that inspires and motivates you. They can even give you direction on where you want to go and be in life. For example, I have a friend who’s heroes and mentors where Superman and a football player for the Stealers.
I believe you’ll figure out and do well as you venture forth into Uni.
Thank you so much. That truly means a lot to me. I never thought about having a mentor that I don’t personally know. That’s a really interesting thought. And thank you for your confidence in me. I hope I can not only succeed, but love what I’m doing.
As I was reading your post, I was drawing parallels to what I know about Sylvia Plath. She performed exceptionally well in school, and if I remember correctly lack of motivation from her was one of the influences in her first major mental breakdown.
As this is not the 1950s anymore, and with the internet as a source, have you considered using it to search for different majors to study? Have you considered looking in places like Craigslist for people whom you could network with? That may help you.
Oh, Sylvia Plath. What a beautiful poet. One of the few whose work I enjoy reading.
I have used the Internet and my own knowledge to narrow down majors. I enjoy psychology but know there are very few jobs in this field. My second choice is probably nursing, as I’m sure I could find something I enjoy since there are so many different specializations. But my mom, who’s a nurse, has always told me never to become a nurse because they’re overworked, so I’ve been second guessing everything I think I want.
And no, I haven’t looked on Craigslist for people to network with. I’m trying to get hooked up with a ride-along with a STAT Medevac team, but that seems to be taking awhile. It’s been in the works since last June or so, so again, losing my motivation to do that. I just need something fast-paced to keep me busy, so maybe nursing is for me? I don’t know.
For me personally, I’ve been working at a part-time job as a dishwasher for the past year or so, and I’m pretty passionate and motivated to work. When I finally get around to upping my grades, hopefully I can locate something of interest in the community college in my next town over to get a head-start on some kind of college education. Have you considered part-time work to help keep you motivated? Is that option to work part time available to you right now?
I am working a part time job now at a tiny 2-aisle convenience store. I hate it, but it’s all a small town has to offer and I get a paycheck.
That makes sense. I’ve been using my parent’s cars to head to and from work. Lord knows that will not last forever. For you, it’s something, at the very least, right?
It is something, and as much as I hate it, it does keep my occupied for awhile, and sometimes, faking a smile when greeting every customer actually tricks my mind into thinking I’m content.
What if you started your own church?
A church that delivers sermons, serves donuts & coffee, offers piercings and tattoos, and has a live band on Sundays? Plus a fully operational bar?
Maybe the deacons collecting donations could be strippers?
We can all make the world a better place if we’re willing to make the necessary sacrifices.
Well, I’m not totally opposed to that idea. It’s actually got me reconsidering the path I want to take in life. Thank you very much for that. lol. Fuck the typical church. I’m starting my own.
Right on.
The church I religiously attend every Sunday broadcasts football and serves beer. (The chicken is good too). I feel like God is seated right next to me, he saves my seat when I go outside to smoke a cigarette.
God bless you.
God bless you and your church as well. Lol
I don’t think that continuing to see people as sex objects will make “the world a better place,” i.e., the strippers. Hasn’t anyone ever noticed how many strippers look so sad?
You could have dancers, but in a classy, artistic way, not a sleazy way. (So not naked pole dancers.)
The rest of Morris’ church idea sounds good though.
Your comment made me fart.
Thank you.
I guess you insist on being the opposite of loveable. Good luck with that.