It’s as if there is a barrier in front of me. Invisible and lulling you into a false sense of security. It’s always waiting for me to falter at the last moment before striking out. Snap. Snap. Snap.
I hate this. It’s always the same, the same old thing every time. I can never put myself in a position to be strong enough to weather these kinds of moments. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate that I have to be like this.
Sometimes, I think if I wasn’t so flexible, I’d have broken so, so very long ago.
Who said I was strong? Who said I was kind? Who said I was so good?
I’m not. I’m not. I’m not. I’m definitely not.
Please, please. If you’re going to break me, please break me already. Don’t make me feel secure and safe and tear me down when I think I’m finally free.
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“Good”… I used to want to be this. Sometimes I still feel a weird desire to be “good”. Everyone is just doing what they can with what they have. We all make mistakes, we all do both “good” and “bad” things
You’re free. Nobody owns you.
I wonder if it really is true that I’m free. I’ve resigned myself to pretending I’ve forgotten what’s real. What’s good or bad, does it really even matter anymore?