It’s too easy to get attached to a guy when you have BPD. I hope this guy I’m into isn’t slowly backing away since we finally had sex over the weekend. No “Good morning, beautiful!” text today like he usually sends and yesterday I felt like I was kinda making most of the conversation.
So I’m backing off. Maybe I’m overreacting, that’s nothing new. I just know how he was all over me before. I need to remind myself not to fall so head over heels with anyone. People change and act weird. I can’t stand these feelings. Is it even worth it to start really liking someone so much? If things change or go wrong, it makes you feel worse than before. I need to cut him off in my mind and only focus on myself. People come along and lift you up, then go away eventually. Sick of it. Fear of abandonment is always lurking.
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together = happiness = euphoria = mania = destruction
alone = loneliness = sadness = depression = destruction
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t….
What sweet little jail our fickle minds can be…
I understand completely, but don’t let this make you cold to the world. I tried to shut my feelings off for similar reasons and hurt someone who genuinely career for me. Its okay to get hurt. I know it sucks, but day strong. It will build you and shape you into something beautiful. Just don’t let it turn you to stone. You’ll make it. Don’t give up. You could miss out on something wonderful. Hopefully, he want using you. But if he was, okay. Cry a little. Get pissed off. Handle it and then open your heart again. Never be afraid to let someone else in.
Thanks for responding you guys. I’m not going to let my heart turn to stone again. I’ve done that before. The hatred and bitterness takes over and turns you into a monster. I won’t let that happen. I still haven’t heard from him today and like I said, he’s usually all over me. I can’t worry about it. His behavior says more about him than me. Maybe he’s going through something. Maybe he’s not that into me anymore. Who knows. I just wish he would man up and say how he feels. Communication is important. I just need to stay in good spirits and keep myself busy today.
My initial plan was not to say anything to him today, but I swallowed my pride and asked him how he’s doing. He said he had a bad emotional day and he’s been hiding in his room until work. I’ve been doing the same. It’s just one of those days… So I told him these feelings will pass. I have to remember he deals with depression and anxiety like I do at times. I won’t take it personally anymore. Glad I got down to the bottom of it.
He probably feels the way I do. We were both on such a high being together over the weekend. It’s like a crash when you have to go back to your life and you have to wait to see each other again.