I managed a few hours sleep tonight. Woken up by dreaming my life was so different. At 20 years old I thought my life would be so different. I would feel like a normal girl. I dream to be a girl who can talk to others without being conscious about every tiny details. One of these girls who isn’t afraid to do anything. One of t girls who hurt for a few days and get back on their feet.
Me? I’m a gorl. I am 20. I hurt every time I wake up. I hurt every time I see someone. I hurt to smile and laugh. I just want to be normal. Just to dream of being normal makes me smile for a second then a realise who j am and it’s not a good life.
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Ha, funny I just made a post today about how I had a dream of this perfect life I had and I was happy, I was important and loved, then I woke up and reality hit me in the face. I also wish I had more confidence to talk to people because for me personally I always fear they are judging me inside and thinking about what a failure I am and how I haven’t accomplished anything which makes me not want to be around them. Yet I think I am the one calling myself a failure more then anyone else.
Noticing every little detail is never a bad thing, if anything, it’s a talent. Who would want to be blind in this world? Those who are already blind to reality cannot be changed, but you are awake. You woke yourself up and realized what is going on. Well, truth here is that no one can help you, no matter how hard they try. All they can do is guide you through it, but you have to do the rest. Yeah, it sucks not being able to smile, I’ve been there, and have just recently escaped it. You can too, but you have to reach out, and grab your own hand. Let yourself take sick and a needle, and close the wound im your heart. You’re strong, you’ve made it this far. I know it’s hard to push on, but maybe it’s time you become your own paint brush, and bring the colour back to your world. I believe in you, I really do.