Not that anyone follows my posts, as I’ve only made one but if anybody reads my last post they’ll see that I’, squeamish and I said that I would post my story.
I’m not in the mood for that, but I don’t know what to do. I just almost cut my fingers off… That would have been a very messy way to die, but I, luckily, was smart enough not to. There were too many people around. I want to escape my life but I can’t. I can’t find any happiness that lasts. My mind is clouded and I fear I am not thinking straight. I’ll just have to keep myself away from chemicals and sharp objects. Not that I could have actually cut my fingers off… At least I hope I couldn’t have. Though I suppose if I was to kill myself it would be with something I can drink, or an overdose. That way, it’s clean, not very messy at least if it is messy I wouldn’t be able to see much of it.
I think I will post a story on why I feel like this soon.
4 comments
Hi More
What were you actually doing that you wanted to cut off your fingers, and had the tools to do it?
If there were people around, you wouldn’t die if they rendered even modest first aid, but you certainly would have major problems with your hands, and that’s whether or not your fingers could be reattached or you let a surgeon reattach them.
May I ask how old you are? It makes a difference with age how people feel with things and how they think and react to situations, and what might be going on for them at home and school/work/social.
Do you actually want to hurt yourself, or relieve suffering?
Do any of your family or friends know what’s going on for you? Have you or are you willing to engage with medical and mental health practitioners and/or counsellors?
With what sounds like it might be impulsive thinking and reactionary behaviour on your part, maybe it would help with sharing your thoughts and feelings so you can better organise them to understand how you feel, what you think, and why — then you’re in a better position to decide on your options (including staying in or leaving life, if you so choose).
Is there anyone you might want to discuss your thoughts and feelings with who you know? Maybe a personal touch could help. Otherwise, feel free to share your thoughts or feelings that concern you here — maybe me or someone else could offer some insight or perspective you haven’t considered. At the very least, putting things down in writing might be helpful for your own benefit.
Thank you for your concern. It seems to me like the best help I’ve ever gotten has been provided by this site… Top-notch counselling.
I wasn’t doing much, I was in my kitchen, where I had access to many knives and utensils… And I mean a lot. If I had had the will to do it, even with the presence of people there would have been no shortage of supplies. Which scares me.
And I have no idea if we have a first-aid kit, I have seen it before but I think it was lost. All we had in it, anyway, was a few bandages and plasters, which I doubt would have helped all that much if I had cut my fingers off… I really see how badly that would have affected me now, and how slow and painful a death it would have been if I had bled out, or even had the chance to die from that.
I am 13, which makes me feel worse about my situation. Some may think I’m too young to worry like this, some may think I’m stupid because of it. Though I’m not sure about any of that. School may be a large factor in my feelings, but it doesn’t actually feel like it to me. My situation at home and my family are probably what makes me feel the worst.
I do want to hurt myself to relieve stress. My last post shows that I bite myself regularly. That also, to me, sounds slightly stupid, but what can you do? I know it’s the only thing I can physically do. I’m too squeamish to cut myself or anything.
My family and friends are next to no help. I had a therapist but I am unsure of the situation with them.
I’ll be sharing my “story” soon. I’ll most likely be sharing things here as well.
Hey its OK to feel like this. Man, I remember 13 as my Dr. Jekyll Mr Hyde crazy year. People here on this site understand you without judgement. So please share your story. Even if noone replies, doesn’t mean it won’t be read. Hope u find peace 😉
Thank you gonegirl100. That’s exactly what I find so great about this site.