then I should be dead, by all means. I die every day without him. I never thought I’d be this kind of desperate, the pathetic kind that I swore I’d never become. I was always so good at getting over guys. All except the two I must’ve really fallen in love with. It just doesn’t make sense.
I live with this pain every day. Anytime I think about the days I got to see him whenever I wanted. Anytime I drive by that ice cream place we went to together one time and it was amazing. Anytime I go to work and do my job. I’m a math teacher. He and I share a passion for math.
I knew from the start we wouldn’t have a future together. He’s a Jew, I’m not. His family would disown him if he introduced this black girl to them. Not that it would’ve been an issue anyway. He’s just not that into me.
Mine is a unique kind of problem. I’ve just come to accept the fact that I am not attracted to guys of my own race, which makes it infinitely more difficult to find someone who would be as attracted to me as I would be to him. Therefore I’ll most likely keep on this pattern of unrequited love every so often until probably my mid forties when I actually find a guy who’s mature enough to love me for who I am.
Until then, I’ll go on wondering just how much longer it will take for my shattered mess of a heart to either heal or give up the fight. Preferably the latter.
2 comments
sounds like you got some self heavy esteem issues
you might be surprised at how many guys don’t look at “race” first, in terms of attractiveness,
usually a bunch of other factors play a role before that becomes a thing, unless living in a particular racist area, or the guy has a very specific type/fetish.
Also, while I get the whole thing wouldn’t be much of an issue anyway since you say he is not into you, why would being a jew be such a key factor?
Plenty of Jews get with gentiles of all types, even muslims. Hell even some more orthodox people end up loosening up, at times, to be able to be with a partner.
but maybe also look inwards a little and contemplate why you yourself got a “race” thing going on, and aren’t as attracted to guys of your own race as much (going by your own words)
If you find limitations, try to find ways to break them to open up and expand your world and life, and in this case your love attractions too.
If it was possible to die from a broken heart, and you haven’t yet, maybe you are stronger than you think, and your heart knows your big love is yet to come.
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