Leaning

Hello. Haven’t been here in like two weeks. Been busy I suppose you would call it. In my previous posts I have stated that I am not interested in suicide nor am I interested in going on. I was in limbo. Not particularly leaning one way or the other. Recently I feel like I am leaning. I start to look around and question why any of it even matters. I knew it didn’t matter before, but when I was thinking about it I thought there was no harm in going on either. Now my thought process is going in the direction of – if there is no harm in living, what harm is there in dying. Why not just end it to end it. Either way it doesn’t matter. At least in this scenario I don’t have to deal with mundane crap like school. I can’t picture my future as anything but bleak. I don’t see myself starting a family or marrying or even just having a relationship with another human being. All I see is loneliness. I don’t see myself on top of the world with an amazing career or doing anything of slight importance. I see little to look forward to. That’s ok I guess. Not everyone needs a bright future. Someone has to be miserable. But if I have nothing to look forward to, why stay. Like I said I’m leaning. Thanks for listening.