Maybe this is the end

I’ve long given up on trying to kill myself, but I still constantly think about it, it rarely leaves my mind. Im so tired of this all, everything. But theres no such thing as a break. All I can tell myself is that I have to keep going no matter what, but in reality I cant wait until the moment i finally leave this world. Every day is a struggle to continue, despite how well people seem to think Im doing. All I can do is smile and reassure them I’m alright, even though it kills me to keep it all inside. I’ve lost interest in quite literally everything I do, but I still seem to do it anyways. My life feels like its on auto mode now, I pay no attention to what I do, but everything keeps going. I wish something drastic would happen to my life, anything at all, or that someone will enter my life willingly. The truth is, I have no one, nothing. Ive pushed everyone away because I cant bare to let them see me like this, although theyve already given up on me anyways, they pay no attention to me, and only talk to me when they need something from me. Will my life ever change? I am trapped in this body, my holding cell.