Sanctioned

Think It’s gonna happen. I dont want it because of my social phobia, but It’s gonna happen I think. A recent bereavement has made me a borderline alcoholic. I wish I could have commited suicide, it was my dearest wish, but I havent got it in me right now, and I aint got a method that doesn’t involve a train! The first few weeks I was getting merry on alcohol, but I’m just getting the downers now, and the thought of that train coming towards my head hasnt helped my mental state. How do people actually stand there and get hit by it??? Ain’t fair on anyone, but I ain’t got another method.