i hate when people say you’re only thinking about yourself when you think of ending it. I know if I do anything my parents, sister and niece and nephew would probably deal with it for a long time but should I really be absolutely miserable for 30-40 more years to try and keep them happy? I’m not entirely sure which is more of a disservice to them. I’m 10-15 in debt…making close to nothing with no real prospects…no girlfriend can’t see trying to date or meet someone and no friends…do I really keep this going and if so for what purpose? So tired of this running through my head every second of every day.
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I feel ya .. My 27 year long relationship went to shit . Mainly because of depression and my girlfriends need to tell everybody around us what she thought rather than keeping it close . Rather than working with me she ended up making me mad as hell at HER.. I never handled mail or bills or anything that involved – living a life – That was her job .. When she decided that I was too much to cope with ..OUT THE DOOR I WENT .. Sure I got some money from her when I left but cause I’m fuckin stupid and have no clue about money I quickly blew the lot on really cool shit – a Harley – pin ball machines – even a cheep house .. I can’t find the strength to get out of bed and usually just sit here watching crap off the internet to pass the time away .. I tried fuckin hard the other night to end it all — Was even calm about it .. Snuck next door – put a note and money on my neighbours windscreen – Came home and wrote a note –Strangely giving everything back to my Ex . I never hated her and I know I’m fucked in the head ..I didn’t want to leave knowing my asshole family got my shit ..They all used the shit out of me then gave me the flick .. Not one friend or family member has contacted me to see if I’m even breathing . FUCKERS .. So – No job -no Friends. No Girl – Just about out of money and I cant get unemployment support because Now I have assets .. I saw a Doctor here who just passed the buck .. I think It’s true that nobody really gives a fuck .–. So my way out didn’t work – Snuck back to the neighbours and retrieved my note and money .. Called myself a ***** ***** for the rest of the night for fucking up death .. I am leaving the other notes pinned on the wall because I’m thinking If I see an opportunity I may just take it .. I too dream every night about killing myself and can’t shake those thoughts during the daylight hours .. I ask myself why every other second .. If I call say LIFELINE – I can’t even speak through the tears — WHAT NEXT -FUCKED IF I KNOW .. As for thinking about friends and family feelings — NO because I’m thinking they are all sitting back waiting for the call saying I’ve offed myself so they can all say –I KNEW IT — And Oh Boy we should have done more to help that bloke out .. And that’s before the go back to fixing dinner or working out what to wear to work the next day ..
Yes, the general public likes to say that suicide is selfish. I think that is bullshit. That is a conditioned response that people regurgitate because they have been taught to say that.
The truth is that NOBODY ever really asked to be born. Our parents had sex and then we popped out. So given that none of us ever chose this life.. ..and given the fact that Life can really be Hard sometimes > I do NOT believe that suicide is always a selfish act. In fact I believe there are certain circumstances that some people wind up in where Suicide is a good valid option.
BUT > I do also believe that in most cases its BEST for people to do their best to work through their situations and live > because sometimes Life can get hard > but if you push through the hard times > better times can come.
I am sorry to hear that you are in debt and having financial problems. financial problems can be really rough to deal with. I have been living on a tight budget for a long time and i know how much it sucks, If you are in debt > then think about filling for bankruptcy.
If you do that your debts can be wiped clean and you can start all over from there
I hope that things turn around for you! I hope that maybe you can find a good job that will pay you enough money to have the kind of life you want.
I also hope that your able to make some good friends and find a girlfriend
I wish you the best
It’s your life not theirs. If you Can;t take it you can’t take it. Fuck everyone else. Do they know you or your life?
It;s how i think.
I tend to think of it like a double-edged sword, they tell you to stay and that killing yourself is selfish and most of the time it’s because they don’t want to see you go which in itself is selfish. I dunno I think it’s dumb and you should do with your life as you please