I don’t care if I’m 18 and just graduated from high school, throughout my life, it’s just I feel like I’ve been here for about 45 years. I keep wake up with that dread, millions of voices in my mind keep telling me everything I’ve ever heard, all at once. I shut down completely, saying over and over the same line.
No matter where I turn it’s just hatred. I keep seeing people laugh at someone jumping off buildings, posting videos of fights, and just cruel comments. This sucks. I just can’t really understand. I’ve quit so many social networks, changed email accounts constantly, delete messages, delete things I write, and then go to bed.
I’m just paranoid, and honestly, I’m defeated. I don’t have time to have fun with friends. I don’t have time to be happy. I just need to escape and run away until I feel tired, to only wake up to run again. “You’re an attention whore,” they say. Well, maybe I fucking am. Maybe I deserve this hellish treatment of being hated. Maybe I’m just doing this for a show, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.
I guess I’m just saying throughout this rant is.
“I’m fine”
5 comments
I remember when I turned 18, that’s the day I became depressed and suicidal. I saw just how cruel the world truly was and I felt like I had been alive for a 100 years. I remember being a kid, all I wanted to do was to be older I always thought how, “cool” it would be and now I’m 20 and realize how stupid I was. Everyone I would talk to started asking me about what I’m going to be doing with my life, if I was going to get a higher education, what job I was going to get, and all the sudden I realized all I wanted was to die. I felt hopeless and I still do. But your right all you see if you look up these videos of suicide is a bunch of jokes made about them or about how selfish they are to do that. It’s disgusting to see. This life was not made for me.
The teenage years when we really see the world for what it is .. is quite hard. A lot of things aren’t fair. We realize People are insensitive. And most people don’t give a f*ck . Hang in there. You will learn to find ur happiness in this cruel world.
“I’m fine”
Don’t you see me smile?
So what if my mascara is running, my hair is being pulled out, and the blood drips from these scars on my arms, reaching out for you.
Does it even matter, the battlefield I’m on, the chaos around me, the evil that surrounds me, the hate that be, the pain I see, everything that binds me.
But that couldn’t possibly be real, all that I feel, must all be in my head
So I’ll lay down a while, accept this madness of mine
And I smile
“I’m fine”
That is very well written the last snorlax
It’s amazing how so simply u put into words the pain right out from your heart
Well I depressed during most of my childhood > and that is because I lived in an abusive family.
I was a mess > but I never got treated or helped or counseled. Yes, I have to say that teenage years are hard. In fact life in general is very hard. But if we press on we can try to make things good for ourselves. My life has mostly been pain and agony and unhappiness. BUT I have managed to squeeze in LOT of great times that I cherish
Try to hang in there and I hope that things get better for you.