If you would have told me this is how the end my year would be I wouldn’t have believed you….Used to be fun loving and adventurous…now I am at rock bottom. Trying to make the most of my potential last few weeks here though it is rather difficult. Id rather just stay in bed or be at home instead of coming to work or seeing friends. Not going to go into details for obvious reasons though a likely prison sentence is heading my way….thankfully I have not been charged or arrested so I can go out as someone technically innocent. I am still clinging and likely deluding myself this will all end well and go away with my cooperation though it is becoming more and more doubtful. I had planned on jumping and by chance someone in town did the same thing from a similarly high building last week so at least I know it will be successful. I went and stood up there yesterday just to grasp the reality of everything….I didnt stand on the edge but just like I was surveying my surroundings I even posted a pic to social media….not sure why but just felt it appropriate. Anyway I am glad I found this website…I have been an emotional wreck the last few weeks and this place has brought some amount of tranquility to me.
Also to add I have found it an odd rather morbid game to who can tell something is wrong or rather will say something. I have been surprised as most of the people that notice I am hiding my feelings are acquaintances rather than people I see all the time (aside from one instance). Im not moping around in public etc but definitely dont feel Im acting 100% normal. Anyone else ever experience or notice this?