I think I’ve posed this question before, but Im thinking it again. I’ve been through mental health problems in my life that normal people would never get a sniff off, except people on sites like this who are the know about some of them or similar conditions. Pure OCD and agrophobia(which had a lot of reasons behind it) which left me inside for a long time. Should have got help, but the OCD came in the middle of the agrophobia which meant I didn’t want people around me, OCD went into remission, but came back again a few years ago, and I got pissed around with councillors instead of professonals. Then got a recent bereavament who was my world. That should have been enough to send me to the exit door, (if it wasnt I don’t know what will) but I pissed around and delayed on the suicide, and started drinking heavily to block out my mind. Now I’ve gotta add depression to the list. Was slightly depressed before, but never like this, and I simply had to get on with things before because I had responsibilities to a family member.
I never married or had kids before of the aftermentioned problems, and I’ve not got a job because I was a carer until recently so now all I’ve got now in my mind practicailly every minute is the bereavament, OCD, very bad memories of the agrophobia years (it’s still only 20 percent better) depression, and probable booze problems. How can you possibly put up with this shit in all of ya waking hours?
I actually think some of it was very bad luck or circumtances. I think with a slight tweeking or some things coming to pass there will be a me in a parallel univerise sitting very comfortably in front of a fire contented with none of my mental problems and he’ll be looking forward to the new year. Well fuck him, I hope I don’t see the new year..
2 comments
Thinking about the past and what would have been is often a good part of why we can’t let go. I’m not saying that you should had just dismissed everything and push ahead because, hey, it’s never that easy, but agoraphobia and OCD can indeed be overcome with the proper help. I agree that you might have just gotten a handset of bad luck and circumstances, but the only thing one can do when handed those (been there, still am) is do the best with them. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to give it a try with a different set of professionals, there are good ones out there, but they’re hard to find. I don’t know what the new year might hold, but i do hope it’s something better for you (and all of us).
Appreciate ya answer. I if I was 15-20 yrs ago maybe I could have got help, but help isn’t gonna help now. Might for some people on this site, but I’m just looking for lights out now, and my mind to cease existance.