Yes I’m plagued by sniffles right now but I’m also sick of this.
The pantomime last night was crude and drunken shit. Flatmates talking about making out with some random guy at the club last night.
Not being able to even write an essay because I have no idea where to start and what shit service that would do to humanity. Who the fuck cares about the extent of the dramatic effects in blank verse. So what if I explain it perfectly? Who the fuck would care or be able to do something about it?
Sorry for the crude language. I’m just sleep deprived from binging Prison Break last night.
I don’t fit in with the the flat, anyway. I don’t even fit in with the way they walk. Or what they talk about.
I’m simultaneously too young and too old.
Just let me be gone. Let me be gone.
I’m sick of this shithole called university/ or maybe I’m just a tad teenage angsty
1 comment
I can sympathize with the English part. I took an advanced English course last year, thought I would fly through it (had loved English in the past), ended up just passing. Barely. But what was the cost. I can say the thing literally pushed me to insanity – I would spend ages staring at the texts / blank Word docs unable to write a single fucking word. What was the fucking point? It meant zero, and was perfectly useless to the world. Hardly slept for months, failed half of my other courses because of it. The school conselor called it perfectionism…I don’t know what it was…but certainly not perfectionism…Batshit crazy? a case of serious fucked-up-edness? Existential crisis? Idk.
That said…this too shall pass
Try to ideate some higher purpose for which you must write this essay [/study/go to uni] … say to become a better writer yourself, by understanding how others write / to understand how poetry works to better understand its meaning in order to
… better understand how people convey meaning / translate lived experiences or thoughts etc. into words…to better understand how people/society function
…I’m rambling now, not sure if that helps
Also, quasi-utilitarian conception: If you do well -> you get a good grade -> you are taking steps to do / be what you want in life & can have a career & be a productive citizen &c. In the ultimate sense what you are doing is purposeful and useful.
Try to look beyond the apparent pointlessness of the way other people live/behave to (ok, cliche as fuck but hey…) recover what motivated you
And what about studying English do you like/did you like? Focus on that.
Have you got many commitments outside of schoolwork? volunteering? clubs? &c? You might already have them (in which case this suggestion is likely aggravating, not necessarily mildly) / not have enough time (ditto what I said in the last parenthesis) but they can sometimes help create some breathing room
And not fitting in is fine, well more than fine … a lot of interesting and brilliant and profound people don’t … which is part of what makes them thus …
(…Advance hypocrite warning, results are not guaranteed for all users…)
Take care …