I have had binge eating disorder since I was 14, I’m 21 now and I’m still starving for the perfect body and in the midst of it all I’ve developed bi-polar disorder. My mind body and spirit is ruined. I’ve thought of many ways to end this life and I havn’t actually gone threw with buying the supplies to do so. Once I buy them there is no going back. The problem is I don’t have the money for it right now, should I steal it? Getting in trouble would be more incentive to kill myself once the deed is done. I just think life is pointless and I don’t want to care for it anymore. I just fucking suck at life. I have a boyfriend and family who love me. Two jobs also. I should have a positive attitude but I don’t. I never have and I never will. I don’t want to deal with any of it anymore. Sigh. I don’t want to deal with myself I’ve even been thinking of writing a suicide note to explain what I want done with all of my things. I have a trailer I have been living in my parents backyard and I want it burned. Suicide is so unconveniant for me and so everything else. Why struggle when you can unjustly die? It a selfish thing to do and that’s what I am. SELFISH! Ugh, I just don’t want to live another moment. I am in such a rush to end it always. I should have killed myself back when I had all sorts of painkillers… I called the suicide hotline and went to the hospital for a week instead. That’s where I met my boyfriend. EVERYTHING IS STUPID.
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4 comments
you on or off meds or meds not working?
remember this might just be the disorder slamming you, you need to get in contact with someone asap, being bipolar is no joke neither during highs or especially doing lows
you can need assistance in getting pulled back up a little, because it can be so freaking heavy the way it smashes you down, so please take contact to your doc, counselor/contact person.
there is nothing wrong in needing or getting a little help to get back up, and you can
for your own sake please try,
I’m pretty on and off about taking my meds. I take Latuda, Abilify and Trileptol. If only I had some regular practice. Where I could get up in the morning, exercise, take my meds have a healthy breakfast lunch and dinner and a good ass day. The only thing I really enjoy about life is looking at the birds, but even that gets boring after awhile. My life is stupid and so is yours.
you can’t go on and off your Latuda if that’s the only thing your doc is prescribing for the down shifts, you need to keep taking it, and if it’s not working request something different.
lithium, quetiapin, or lamotrigin, or even a olanzapin + fluoxetin combo, your doc probably might have very good reason why he chose to put you on what he did, but you need to stick with it, and if it’s not working you need to ask for different
because the down periods are by far the most dangerous, at least to your self,
and you are pretty much the one most important thing in your life, so stick with it, even if the daily schedule is unstable, or you don’t feel you have enough content/will/desire to make it regular enough
meds can suck ostrich ass, but you gotta give ’em a try and stick with it, for yourself, so eventually life isn’t so stupid
Thank you The Last Snorlax