Sleep used to be a decent distraction. There were bad dreams, but that’s all they were – just random bad dreams. I managed to cope with them but I gradually got less and less sleep until the point where I was getting little to none at all.
So a trip to the psychiatrist upped my dosage and prescribed me new meds to help. The drugs knock me out cold for a long time which solved the getting to sleep problem but another has arisen. The bad dreams are no longer random and have begun reflecting reality. I don’t usually recall dreams well but the last one I had was all too vivid and far too realistic. So I wake up in a cold sweat and another of my anxiety attacks follow.
It took a REALLY big chunk out of me and considering there wasn’t much of me to begin with, I can say with some confidence that I am most probably losing my mind.
From bad dreams to nightmares. I fall asleep to realistic nightmares and wake up to a real one. Wow… Just, wow… Thank you “life” for digging me deeper. Thanks for pushing me that much closer to the edge.
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Life is one huge nightmare that seems somehow to get worse and worse. Like when I look back at my nightmares that I had say 10 years ago they seem like pleasant dreams to me now. Why?
What was your dream?
Also, now even my nightmares are better than real life
A short version would be…
Me trapped in another psychiatric ward and losing my mind. I try to leave then it dawns on me that I’ll have nowhere to go.
I used to look forward to dreams, now I dread them
I understand
I dread everything now
I think this is an explanation for us:
Humans have a pain threshold and it varies amongst us but we all have one. Once it’s reached it’s as though a button is pressed or we walk through a door and things are forever changed. Life is pain from that point on. Maybe for some people this changes and they heal. But I think for many it’s irreversable.
I agree.
…Or perhaps it only seems irreversible at the time.
Perhaps
It may come down to the causes of our pain
If we can “fix” things or at least live with them
But some things in life you just can’t come back from
I understand this now
People tell me I’ll get better
That time will heal
Time will never take away what’s happened
At least for me
I thought that too. That things would never get better. But now I’ve got friends, I’ve reconnected with my family, and I’ve got a new life. It’s not like I’m not still somewhat pissed off and destroyed inside about what happened to me, but it has gotten somewhat better. I wouldn’t say I feel “healed”. More like my pain is fading away.
I’m happy for you that’s a blessing
I won’t lie. The pain is still there, deep down, waiting to surface. At least I think it is… I got angry and upset the last time I was reminded of the conflict I went through, but that was over a year ago. It may be different now.
Thanks for your perspective, guys. I’m not convinced that time will heal things but one can only hope. Maybe I’ll come across another door or have a better button switched. It’s a flimsy gamble but probably the one thing I can rely on now.
Good luck Fragmented
Hope you find a good button or happy door