just another post. not for help or to help, it merely is, a post

I have never been one to be in touch with his emotions, sure, i feel the strong ones but the majority of the time, i merely react to emotions without understanding them or the reactions they bring. however. im talking now about one particular emotion, arguably the greatest motivator of people. love of another person. Ive had my share of relationships, ones where love was a thing, but a thing that was expected of me because it was a relationship. as such using the word love was something that became second nature, often it would slip out on a one night stand by accident, and i would have to cover by adding in extra words. i felt, what i thought was love, what i presumed was love, but perhaps i was wrong. those times i felt such emotions i wonder was i so lonely that i latched onto the first option i found and then convinced myself that it was love. i believe im starting to feel love for someone. we have started out horribly, both i and her fucking up a lot, more than i would have let any previous lady screw up. Love, in this scenario, is not all-consuming, it is not burning so bright that it might burn out too quick. this time, it feels patient, when im mad it brings me understanding and acceptance. my brother snores. we shared a room when i was younger, i used to sit on my bed, convincing myself not to smother him with a pillow. i have dumped a girl in the past for snoring like a bear stabbed in the lung. this morning/last night she woke me up with her snoring, and i had to put my hand in my mouth to stop from giggling out loud like a school girl because it was so cute to me. she is not a 10/10, perhaps to some shes no where near close, but i guarantee you, im far from it myself. she comes with two kids and baggage, but ye who know me know i have my own stuff too. i dont know if this is love, she has spent the night more than once, and the furthest we have gone is a hug and a kiss on the cheek going out the door. i feel confident we will get to be more, and for the first time in my life i am content to wait upon that time, if it takes months or years, this one lady is procels, no matter what it takes, i feel something i have never felt before. i feel purpose, i will be the man of her dreams or ill die trying