If someone were to lock you up in your apt, you would struggle to get free. Yet, you keep yourself a prisoner in your own home.
If someone were to cut you, you wouldn’t let them, yet you cut yourself and make yourself bleed.
If someone were to hurl insults at you and put you down, you wouldn’t be near that person or be their friend. Yet, you say to yourself all sorts of bad things every day, like “I don’t think you’re pretty”, “you’re not good enough”, “why were you so stupid and did this or that…”
If someone were to do all the bad things you do to yourself, you wouldn’t put up with it. But you let yourself do it to yourself. All the time. Daily. Doesn’t make sense does it?
Depression is mental prison. Self-loathing is a mental prison. Hate and anger are probably mental prisons too. I wish I didn’t imprison myself. I feel like everyone on SP is imprisoning themselves. I wish I could break free of those chains, but those chains have been on me as long as I’ve had consciousness. I’ve had to endure a harsh and cruel life. Those shackles came on very early in life, and even though I am an adult and no longer defenseless, my own mind continues to shackle me.
14 comments
finally someone put it into words …
I’d believe that self-loathing, anger, and hate don’t apply to me. But I suppose I don’t feel much of anything. Maybe that’s my prison: not feeling much.
Is it better to not feel anything or to constantly feel hate and anger and self-loating? Hm…yeah, I’d rather take not feeling much of anything. Yep. What’s your secret?
When you put it like that, then I suppose it is better to not feel anything, but one can only take being empty for so long.
If you’re ever in need of pain, free feel to ask me and I’ll send you a vial of my tears! o_O
But in all seriousness, there seems to be two coping mechanisms- 1 is to feel depression, self-loating, constant pain and anguish, etc. And the other is to shut down all emotions. I’ve known lots of people who do that- actually I used to be one of those people (and now I’m all weepy, miss my old “empty”, “emotionless” self, sigh)- it is how humans cope.
Tears, eh? Are your tears salty or sweet?
Depends on what I eat that day. If I eat salty pretzels, then salty. If I eat sweet almonds, then sweet. Which would you prefer?
Both?
Sure, I’ll send you both. Salty and sweet. Works well with foods, why not with tears? lol
Mmmm…
You’re so right, like you say at least if it’s someone else we can get away from them (or at least a lot of the time, if not we are still more likely to fight it). like emptypluto, I don’t really feel a lot but sometimes I turn into wreck. There is no in between. We are all stuck in mental prison and not everyone gets out. If only those shackles weren’t too tight for you or others here.
Might be wrong, but the simple explanation is that if you do it.. well, it’s by your own choice, and you have every right to do whatever you want to yourself, even if it’s bad. On the other hand, if someone is doing the same things to you, it’s clear that in most cases t’is an external attack, against your own will. Most people prefer to shut in and harm themselves that way that just dealing with hurt coming from others… so yeah, it’s a way of imprisoning yourself, but many times the alternative (going out there) isn’t really better.
You make valid points, and regardless of if you feel, or barely feel, these are quite true statements you’ve made.
However, I’d like to think that places like SP are designed to help free us from our mental prisons, though interactions with like minded individuals. We are in a group where we can make these statements freely, and help lift each other up out of the mental prison we’ve enclosed ourselves in. I’d like to think that each of us sees worth in one another. We all see the worth that we lack in ourselves. Quite frankly (using myself as an example but I’m sure this applies to many of us here), I feel like a piece of shit on any given day, and yet, so many people here, write helpful comments on my posts from time to time, or send me emails that are so heartwarming and touching…. It makes you feel like you have value, like you actually mean something to someone. Makes me think, hey maybe I’m not as big a piece of shit as I thought because there is written (or typed) evidence here saying that you are loved and appreciated by someone on this planet.
Just my opinion btw, I know that everyone’s situation is different and that optimism isn’t exactly easy to come by for many people here….