ive been reading for a couple of years. But i need to remind myself to come here regularly to make sure that i do indeed persue with all expediency.
i was pushed too far end of dec. just too much to take. It has been bad the past two years, 3 years and i knew it was coming to this. I believed there were anwsers to my myriad of health issues, mainly hormones, i still know there is, but on disability, an insult to my intelligence, to name anyone that, but i cant afford it.
I can’t afford to live. And i refuse to continue.
my lovedog just died. And looking at puppies, trying to take some comfort. All im seeing is, asshole, evil humans, are destroying the breed. I hate what these dogs are becoming- wall eyed, poor comformation just ugly. It disgusts me, they are mixing so much blue into them, makes me not like the breed, i dont want a charcoal grey dog, i want BLACK, pure black, not faded black. They are desteoying the breed just to make money. Usualy all young people, ive noted.
Im just so sick of the stupidity. The assbackwardsness. Everyone looking to the past and reliving shit. No one is forward looking, using their creativity to think of new ways of getting things done and those that do, don’t have the money to out them into effect. We need to be thinking of the BEST, not just better. What is best for everyone.
im sick of feeling trapped, of being exhausted, of my many physical symptoms and being hooked on a contradictory complex, cocktail of drugs that only a serious speiclist could figure out, ie thousands if dollars and travel.
im burnt out on trying.
im burnt out on everything, i cant find anything positive to interest me. Everything and everyone is so dark and negative and depressing. Even music is so lame anymore. Ive studied song structure, recording, synthesis and its just weak. Ive heard songs that moved me, in my childhood but today its juts noise and attention seeking whores.its not about the music. Music has been dead for while, 2 years.
i gave up about two years ago when i realized that this world didnt want my gift of ascension. And that it wouldnt even allow me to live the most simple life. It wants to destroy people like me, the key holders, the light Bringers, the creators.
it wants our spirits destroyed. Those who care, those who love, those who are True
i will never give them that, i will leave before these nutcase psych abusers get ahold of me again and try and control and drug me.
this is a sick place that doesnt deserve what i have to offer.
im in a lot of pain. My ears are ringing non stop, never any peace of mind.
A woman got approved for euthasia for tinnitus. Still, gotta have the money. Ftw, i hope it goes extinct for the sheer simple fact of what it has done to me, and others. I cant watch anymore.