Hmm i don’t even know where to start, guess i’ll just start from day one of my depression and anxiety. I was in the 4th grade i was 9/10 one of the two, i was happy little girl i mean yeah i’d always get in fight with the girls in my glass but mostly because we all were just brats and mean, over all i was an honor role student i got all A’s most the time, but i had lots in my head going on…when i was 5 my teacher told me my dad wasn’t my dad….”i new that already deep down” but it hurt because i was young and idk i just sucked! But life went on, my mum worked all day she was the boss of incoherence agency(Farmers) and so my “step dad” worked he’d gone for weeks at a time but when he was home he’d watch me after i got off school! Now this is going to get disturbing but i’m ready to share it! Me and him would play games…one was called vampires, he’d chase me and when he caught me he’d tickle me and bite my neck it was fun and it felt like a dad and daughter thing…well until i went into mum and his bedroom he threw me on the bed and you know did the normal tickled me and bit my neck but then he put his hand in my pants and under my underwear and started rubbing and asking if i liked it…and i remember my friends talking to me about sex and movies i saw with sex in them and how they did it and i thought he was going to try and have sex with me…i froze i couldn’t move, i hate myself for it i feel ashamed and gross! He sooned stopped..then he looked in my eyes i felt like, like just i can’t even tell you i felt hurt, lied to, idk why or how to explain it i got up after he got off of me, i went into the bathroom in their room, he was in the living room siting in the big chair we had! As i walked out i felt sick…i looked at him he asked “are you okay?” i stopped what i wanted to say was the complete opposite, i said “i’m okay yeah” vs what i wanted to say i wanted to scream no and hit hit till he couldn’t move i hated him so much…never knew how much i could hate someone in such sort time. As i was walking to my room he told me don’t tell anyone! I just paused then walked the rest the way to my room i went in and locked the door! As i layed there i realized all the other dirty things hes down! Like when id sit on his lap he move me back and forth round and round! Sometimes my mum would have meetings to go to in different town or states so she’d leave me with him, and he’d have me stay up and watch movies….movies not for kids..movies my mum said i shouldn’t watch and wasn’t aloud too! They’d have half naked girls in them that were supposedly “hot chicks” what he called them, and there’d be sex scenes, and i started to ball my eyes out….think what kind of dad is this why would he do this to me…whats wrong with me…..soon after he’d started being REALLY nice to me and mum was happy so i was happy….then later on month or so later i was left with him like last time, we got to talking and we started talking about sex and how to have it, and what to do, what it does, and soon he asked me “If i show you my penis will you show me your vigina” i didnt no what to say so i just said yes, i was so scared but i went with it anyways…i wanted the happy between us to last and i had a baby brother in my life now so all that..i couldn’t possibly ruin it, so he showed me his penis and i felt so dirty and gross, now that im older i realized it was hard and that had to have men’t at that time he was honry and that discuss me! When i was time to show mine i felt like i was wrong for it..i soon let him in and he looked at it he looked at me and said wow pretty tight huh…i didn’t know what that men’t at the time….now i do and it makes me sick and full of hate, i said yeah being the young dumb little kid i was….once mum came back i didn’t speak a word i tried to ignore it….i got into more trouble at school because i started kicking the mean girls asses….i was so done with people controlling me and using me! i almost got expelled from school, then my mum had a talk with me and said she put me in counseling, i agreed and did it i really liked my counselor he was like a grandpa to me, and @ that time my grandpas were dieing so he helped me through those times, but i never told him about what gos on between me and my stepdad. Later on i told my gmas bf about my step dad trying to have sex with me, he believed me and was going to try and help me, he told my gma wish he didn’t because she told my mom and my mom sat me down one day and said hony what is all this about “stepdad” your dad trying to do it with you, i looked her in the eyes and said i’m so sorry mummy but its true but she looked at me cry and grabbed me and said no its not stop lying i couldn’t bare to see her so hurt so i said okay i’m lying and went to my room and i just cried and cried. I felt betrayed in a way, i tried and moved on went on with my life to to be a normal kid, then later on my step dad stopped be sexual and nice, and started yelling more and being abusive, He get mad at every little thing i did he pull me into my room, bathroom, his bedroom, outside, anywhere and just smack the crap out my bum…it was like oh ok so it hurts but it’s not abuse, then he started hitting my face giving me bloody noses, then that lead to throwing me up against the wall and yelling in my face, holding my shirt and shaking me, then one day he decide to smack me so hard i feel on the ground and he kicked me a good few times…and let me remind you he wheres steal toe boots, i screamed out crying my mum stopped him, sometimes he’d look at me like he was going to kill me…i became to scared of him, i feel like it my mum wasn’t here to stop him i’d be dead! I started to hate my mum because she wasn’t leaving him ore doing anything about it, but i went on with my life, soon my mum got me a phone i was in the 5th grade, i was the 1st kid to have one it was the best day ever…i went from being the kid everyone called fat and ugly to the cool kid it was amazing, the fun didn’t last long i got beat more, and no one liked me, i talked to my counselor he tried to help me the best he could, my math teacher was a jerk to me..well to everyone that is, i soon just moved on couple years past i got into youth groups and church i tried to “give it to god” but he never spoke back never hugged me nor whispered its all going to be okay! That what i needed i loved god but i needed a person, soon enough this 8th grader saw me and he like me…at the time didn’t see why but i didn’t care someone saw me, soon he got my number he’d hold me hug me hold my hand then he got sexual and it scared me, but i let him he never got in my pants but still did things…i hated it and i didn’t like guys i couldn’t figure out why at the time until my step dads mom sent me to christian summer camp, i met this girl and wed play games she became my best friend, ever summer for 2/3 yrs the last year i saw her she asked if i wanted to play boy girl i said yeah sure, it was later on when everyone was asleep we got under the cover and she told me to get on top of her so i did and she started kiss me like adult kissing we kissed and kissed for the longest time we used tongue and it was amazing i felt good about it, then she’d get on top and we’d kiss some more, after that night the next morning she started looking really reallly cute to me, and she’d smile and i’d fall in this thing i just adored her so much! but we kept or relations on the down low…then it was time to go home i was sad bc i new i wasn’t coming back and she said she was moving out of my state so we hugged goodbye and moved on with our lives, as i got old my mum and step dad started to let me go out then one day i ran away couldn’t do it anymore they took my phone and locked me up pretty much…every now and then they’d let me go out! I left this part out but since the 7th grade i would cut..a lot, but they were never seen, i was good at hiding my emotions and scars, i was the happy girl! Time passed, it was soon enough my last year of middle school i graduated 8th grade and went of to high school! That’s another story to be told!!!
This took a lot of me to write this, please don’t hate!
6 comments
Oh dear, absolutely positively no hate! If I could hug you right now I would. I’m so sorry that happened to you! I wish I could cut your stepdads d*ck off myself and shove it down his throat And the fact that your mom never believed you makes me even madder! I wish there were something that could be done with kids who are in the situation that you were in, but sadly the child is scared and won’t tell for years and when they do tell they aren’t believed. It makes me so angry. I run a daycare and I swear if any of them ever said something like that to me I would investigate myself get evidence then tell the police and then the mom. I understand some parents get busy but a mother should always notice a difference in their child, I guarantee there was a difference had she payed attention but I’m still mad she didn’t believe you when it did come out. and I grew up a believer in god because my parents forced it upon me but about 2 years ago decided to give it up, a god never helped me when I was crying wanting the pain to stop why I ever believed is beyond me. christians are sometimes the most mean and hateful people and their stories are as real as Cinderella.
Thank you, she’s still with him and i have a little sister now too, and were supposedly a sweet happy lil family, it sucks bc i told her a few months ago it was really true and she cried and puked and was physically sick me her and him talked she could tell i wasn’t lying and that he was guilty but idk i felt pity on him i still hate him but it kills me, and no what she said that broke my heart a lil, she said honey we can’t tell it’s to late now and i have his babies and the’d starve bc she gave up her career to be an at home mom like he asked her too! she was successful too….makes me so mad but i understood and i left it alone that same day though i tried to commit suicide i cut deeper than normal i did it over and over again on my wrist she found me and yelled but cried she patched me up, but just idk im still under their roof and im still young im only 16 i turn 17 in the summer (july)
It was nice to read your story and I can’t wait to hear more, and I hope things get better for you
Thank you, me too!!
Thanks for sharing. This is such a sad story. Your stepdad is such a mega asshole!
Your stepdad was a sick fuck. If I ever met him…