Hello. Been about a week. Question. Can people with depression fall in love? Should they fall in love? The one thing that struck me when asking about when a person is ready for a realtionship, was that they would usually respond with “Before you can be happy with someone else, you should be happy by yourself. You need to learn to love yourself before anyone else.” So that poses the question. Should people like us even try for love? I have accepted a long time ago that depression was just going to stick with me. I have it for life. There will be times where it won’t be as prevalent, but when it does show up, it is very real. So if I can never really truly love myself, should I just not bother? My fear of ending up alone makes me paranoid about everything I do or say. I’m afraid I will drive them away. I don’t want to be this dependent on a person. Basically can’t live with out them. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be half a person going into a relationship. It’s not fair to the other person. I don’t know how to be a whole person. Why do I even try? Thanks for listening.
3 comments
I have severe depression. I like you thought it was unfair to the other person, but in reality it’s unfair to you. I was with someone for 11 years it was horrible he treated me horrible I got out but not without some issues from physical and mental abuse. So after that I decided no love from or for anyone fast forward about a year and a half later I had dated nothing serious cause I don’t let people in. Well I met someone and he got me instantly every thing I had gone thru he has see. His mom go through so it was like ok this person will get me I opened myself up. Well fast forward another 6 months and he bought a house a house I was involved in picking out and we did it together it was just in his name and he asked me to move in well it’s been 7 months nothing for me has changed I’m the same person I was when I met him but about a month ago he said I need to move out he wants his space but he still wants to date it’s possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with because in my marriage when I got beat I knew it was coming I was numb to it I didn’t have feelings but now I have a broken heart I cry all the time and my depression is 100% worse with all that being said my answer is yes it’s not unfair to them cause the right person won’t let you push them away and they will understand you need space and you’re gonna have sad moments and they’ll be there when you need it I had that for a year and a half. But the bad part is if your suicidal before the relationship when the relationship ends suicide is the first thing that comes to mind I know this because I feel it every day I try and find a way that will be quick and easy and no one can find out in time to stop it. If you’re willing to open yourself up to what could be sadness and pain then yes you can find a relationship just be careful
It’s probably what you need. Love that is. There are special someone’s for all of us, even if you’re fucked up. Whether or not you’ll find one is another matter…
My personal opinion is that “you must love yourself before you can love others” is useless advice that gets passed around without any evidence to back it up.
That being said, it is my experience that relationships do not magically solve all your problems, and some of your problems can damage the relationship. Kind of like how a volatile country gripped by civil war might not be the world’s most reliable trading partner.
Self-compassion is a scientifically validated practise that improves your relationship with yourself. But denying yourself the chance of love is not very compassionate, methinks.
Also, avoiding relationships with others because you fear being a bad partner is sort of like avoiding driving because you fear being a bad driver. How are you ever gonna get better then?!? This is the flawed fixed mindset vs. the useful growth mindset.
Otherwise practise friendships first. Then when you feel comfortable with that, pursue romantic relationships.