I’ve been thinking about ending it tonight but I can’t even explain why. I know in my head why I’m thinking about doing it, but I can’t put it into words.
If I do do it, I’ll have to use my knife, somehow. That won’t be fun.
It’s surreal. Almost like I’m dreaming. Like it’s not real.
9 comments
Wow! I like to daydream about the day I will end myself but what you are expressing sounds like it is more in line with disassociation. I am jealous!
Not knowing why is completely normal until a therapist exposes the why part.
If you find yourself alive tomorrow please give us a post. Wow!
Jealous? I wouldn’t be jealous about this.
Thanks for the reply. after some more thought about it, jealous is not even right on my part. Whatever this is I hope you can get any resolution you need. Sorry that was just wrong on my part. Been a helluva day. Good luck with all this. I do thank you for sharing.
You can try. If it’s really what you want. You will do it. I tried. I had a knife up to my vitals several times just building up the courage to finally stab myself. I couldn’t. I’m doing some research on how it feels to be stabbed and I am slowly building up my will to it. Are you really sure you wanna be doing it? Are you actually sure? Why are you reading this comment then? Are you waiting for me to say something interesting to you? Potato. That is interesting enough to me. In-bed that blade in some cardboard and think it over. Do you really wanna end it that way…
if you feel like you’re dreaming, or can’t exactly define *why* you want to do it,
then try to stay away from the knife….after all dying is a pretty final decision that you’d want to make when you are fully aware of reality…..
also, agreed with flowers, the knife is a horrible way to go
man, i wish i could say something more helpful here.
I know why I want to do it. I just don’t know how to communicate those reasons to all of you.
And I’m always pretty disconnected from reality. That’s my default state.
Not being able to describe something is really difficult. It can be hard enough to explain the stuff that’s pretty straightforward.
Hey Kat. I hope you hang in there. Don’t give up. You are stronger than your demons.
I’m really not. Never have been. But I think I’ll survive tonight.