I feel so empty,
i feel so alone,
i feel like i could be dying and it be no big deal,
i feel hopeless without a meaning,
i just wanted someone to put me 1st for once,
its hard for me to cope around stuck up people,
its hard for me not to cry when my friends complain about there dads caring like a dad should,
i wanna break down and cry when people talk about there father daughter dances,
my whole life all i wanted was a daddy who loved me and only looked at me as a child hes supposed to care for and love,
not a younger piece of fresh meat he wants to try,
i hate that i still care about him but yet hate him because all i ever wanted was him…a dad,
i wish that things were different,
deep down i feel like i’m just the problem..like its my fault,
i feel like if i wasn’t here my mum and her husband would of had a family and he’d never done wrong,
i feel like i made him feel like doing wrong,
i feel like i made him mean,
my mum said he wasn’t mean before till he came back from war,
i feel like maybe he’d had less stress during the fight if i was never born,
if my real dad would of just hit my mums stomach harder i’d never fxck her life up,
she tells me i saved her but i don’t know weither to believe her or not,
everyday i try so hard to breath,
stay alive and try and strive,
i feel as if i’m getting weaker like all my pain and years of hurt are building and about to hit me,
the part that makes me sick and hate myself is i don’t know what to do when he(stepdad) doesn’t hit me,
like i don’t feel like anyone,
for so long i was someone..his punching bag,
now that i’m not i’m just his mirror he hates and yells at calls names,
i feel like no one,
useless…i don’t know what else or who else to be without him hitting me,
i lost that girl who’d go to her room after the beating and just draw her heart out,
i cant seem to draw anymore and feel happy,
i cant seem to breath and live without being his punching bag,
what is wrong with me i ask,
then i look in the mirror and scream because i cant bare the reflection,
i have to act to survive,
once i draw myself to look in the mirror i put on a pretty face and please my followers ,
they don’t see me they see a pic of girl who’s pretty with a nice life,
i get so much hate…i don’t understand it,
if it not that its something else,
sometimes i miss the drugs, alcohol, cutting every night,
i just want to know my worth…i treated myself in the past like i had none,
in the past and still to this day i feel like if i don’t undress for someone they wont love me or see me,
i cant seem to be that it girl,
i just hate myself,
i’m not smart,
i’m failing school,
i’m not beautiful,
unless i’m packed with makeup and tits out half naked,
i’m not the 1st pick/choice,
no one ever stays,
they all leave or they ignore we ever talked,
i’m no one..nothing at all,
i just cant seem to find a reason to live…but yet every reason to live,
how long do i half to live like this,
how long do i have to be in pain?
how long till i break or fall?
honestly i dream of dying,
i’m drowning and its so peaceful,
or i’m burning to feel the pain just to burn for eternity,
i don’t know how to feel,
the only person i’m scared of now is myself,
im so scared of it all because i just don’t feel anything anymore,
its like my heart has no love left to give..it pored out so much its empty,
see somethings happening to me and its very dark,
not to long ago i was full of lust but i wanted it bloody,
i wanted to cut my wrists and inner thighs,
i wanted to make love till i bleed out and its not normal to think or be, act like that for that matter,
theirs something so wrong with me,
there to much dark in my light,
i feel inhuman!
16 comments
Omg I’m so glad you posted I was worried about you!! This is deep <3
Really? Wow not even my closest friends care like that!! really means a lot…yeah i was just posting how im feeling and been feeling!
Well you need to check in with me cause i worry about those I care about and I’ve come to care about you. Like a little sister I never had. <3
omg im crying i wish i had an older sister like you!!! i will
<3
You were violated. Your come by those feelings honestly. I ache to the core too.
Yeah not something im very open or proud of but the sp makes it easy to talk about it! im sorry you ache the feeling is not one to enjoy!
My exact story is different in ways, but the feelings are very familiar. <3
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I know it must be hard, but it’s honestly brave of you to do so.
Thank you for giving up your time to read my feelings mindlessgamer619! I dont feel or think im brave if anything i feel like a coward!
But you are. Also, I wanted to take the time to read your words. It’s only fair, seeing that you took the time to construct them in such a manner. 🙂
You’re very brave for writing out how you feel.
Really means something to me thank you!! I’m working on feeling strong…but i really appreciate you reading!!
I’m sorry that it familiar foxlove7 its pains me to hear and see other people feel the way i feel, bc i know the pain is terrible, im at the point were im wishing crossing my figures and even praying that these pains that all you beautiful broken souls get healed and restored to health <3
I’m healing. It is past the point of heal or die now. I can’t go back to stuffing it, so forwards, or onwards for me, but I am doing forwards first. In case it can be done. 🙂
That sounds like a plan…i hope you heal and make it through!!