I’m so tired of resigning myself to this bullshit. The world is fucked, and I’m too fucked up to make anything worthwhile from it. I want it all gone. All these thoughts, memories, feelings. I want to fall asleep and wake up somewhere different, and realize that it was all a bad dream.
But it wasn’t. It all happened. It’s who I am. It’s real. And I can’t forget. I can’t wipe it from my mind. It’s there, eating away at me, 24/7. And I’m so sick of it.
I want peace. I want to sleep for a thousand years. I want an injection of serenity that never wears off. I want someone to drain all the personality, the anxiety and negativity and aspiration, from my brain. Leave me a blank slate, content to doze happily forever.
Maybe it’s time I tried drugs.
3 comments
Drugs as rx prescribed? Cause idk sometimes they help sometimes not mine tend to help for a couple months then they don’t. But if you’re talking drugs as in illegal ones (sigh I miss doing drugs just for the pure sense of a little serenity) they help a lot at the time you’re on them you’re so high you just don’t give a shit but the second you’re to broke to buy or in jail or they wear off. Then it’s worse so much worse. I’m sorry you’re struggling. 🙁
I totally understand what ya saying. I would like my mind wiped clean like the wiping of a hard drive. Wonder if they’ll be able to do that in the future? take all the shit out of ya mind or reprogram ya brain or something to get rid of all the negativeness.
That is something I wish for too. I know if you hit your head hard enough but not too hard to cause damage to your cranium. You can lose all your memories. And without memories your personality also disappears. Pretty much everything. It’s like a new you. The only problem is, there is a risk your memories could come back and or I’m not sure but you’d have to relearn everything I think. If only there was an easier way for that. Drugs are crap though. They won’t get you anywhere. Only way I know is keep yourself busy enough to not think about things. Do you have anything you enjoy doing? Do that a hundred times over. Or music. That is also a temporary way to lose yourself.