I wanted this tiny issue resolved, after wasting a whole day on it. So I persisted. I faced my fear. I tried other avenues. I panicked. Now I feel shame. I feel fear. I feel…pathetic.
Some people were nice. Some were alarmed. The minor issue is somewhat resolved, though threads lie untied.
But I feel…worthless. Pathetic. Inferior. Disgusting. Inadequate. Hopeless. Like the ground should just swallow me up.
Nothing significantly bad will result. Those who think worse of me are unlikely to do anything about it. Nothing major will happen.
But I have exposed myself as unworthy – as inadequate – as weird, erratic, inferior, pathetic. I have allowed the world to see my weakness, my shame.
In a few days, this tiny incident will join the exhaustive list of times I felt socially out of my depth. But right now, I just want not to be. I want this feeling to stop. I want a drink, but there’s no drink in the house.
I’m alone, with my shame & self-hatred.