That Teeter-Totter Feeling

Hello. So after thinking about it for a bit I realized that I teeter between two type of general “moods” I guess you would call them. Either I get into this depressive state where I don’t want to say or do anything and I keep my mouth completely shut and keep my head down. Basically I’ve checked out. Or I get in this hyper active mood where the dumbest, inane, and disturbing things come out of my mouth. I’m this bizarre freak that takes weird pleasure from watching the reactions I get from people. Either way I feel that I’ve stopped caring about the things I used to. School, Games, the People around me. To be honest I don’t even know why I’m like this. I don’t even really know how I feel anymore. I’m not even sure that I’m depressed. I know that I don’t have any real purpose and I know that I am not happy with the way things are now. I think and talk a lot about dying. The thing is, why haven’t I done anything about it yet. If I was so committed to the idea, wouldn’t I have done something about now. I don’t feel happy and I don’t know why. No one’s even listening. I can’t expect people to. They have their own problems they need to take care of. Thanks for listening if you are.