A lot of the time I feel I need something to be happy. Like it’s an essential part of life itself – the only meaningful thing. And when I can’t see any way it could possibly work out for me, I feel that continuing to live is pointless.
But maybe that’s a a delusion. Perhaps there’s a way to be perfectly happy with just the basics of life – food, water, oxygen. Maybe that’s what I should be concentrating on – ending the feeling of wanting/needing something more.
There’s much discussion among experts on depression of psychological and social needs. But are any of them really essential? Or are they conditional?
Do humans need authentic relationships with each other? Do they need love of any kind? Or are they just conditioned to want them?
If, for whatever reason, you find yourself unable to fulfill the things you think of as requirements for a decent life, is it time to throw in the towel? Or is it better to look for some way to eliminate those perceived requirements from your mind?
At the moment, I’m caught between the anxiety of feeling I should be doing more to pursue those requirements and the depression that comes with being unable to see a realistic way to fulfill them.
It’s hard to know whether I should:
- Concentrate more on pursuing my goals, regardless of how hopeless they seem
- Accept being depressed and apathetic, and drift through life until it ends, knowing that I will never experience contentment
- Put an end to my suffering, as it’s pointless
- Find some way to let go of all perceived needs, so that I enjoy life at it’s most basic
- Find some other option that my binary black & white thinking can’t comprehend
13 comments
Food, water, oxygen.. I think These are things most of people have but some people don’t even have some of those and how they are? I think those essentials are their goals, wishes and it’ll fill their life. But what if i always had these essentials but always wanted something more. I had all of those always in my life sometimes less but always enough but we want more as we don’t think much about. But for me i wanted always to have somebody with me to share things, share feeling etc.. If I’m alone and even i reach my goals and have nobody to tell why do i want them anymore? They’ll be pointless for me anyways because i have to keep them and then i realize nothing will make me happy or less worthless without someone with me, that could be someone closer to you friend, family memb.. Etc.. I think we need somebody with us.. Every time i go out seeing people together points me that friendship or close relationship to trust somebody or have at least somebody will make me happy. What are your wishes? What do you think you need to feel better?
I feel kind of the same, but for complicated reasons I don’t think I can ever find that kind of close relationship or trust with someone. So I’m wondering what a good response to that is.
The human condition is one of perpetual discontent and searching. If you own a TV or have read a magazine, then you are conditioned to believe nothing is ever enough, and the pathetic you that you are is not good enough and you MUST strive to own the latest gizmo, because IT and IT alone will solve your problem of happiness, so ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE SOME BONUS HAPPINESS IF YOU CALL WITHIN THE NEXT THREE MINUTES! We need much less than we think we need, but we don’t understand that. You are in a mind set of understanding that and changing it as well. Simplify your life. You’ll still want, but will understand better the difference between wants and needs.
I guess I was more talking about emotional/social wants/needs – probably should have made that clearer.
I think everyone can agree that consumerism stimulates new wants rather than satisfying existing needs. I purposefully avoid advertising as much as I can.
I live a pretty simple life already. I tend to buy the cheapest gizmos I can find, and am largely satisfied with them. I don’t often find myself feeling that I need a particular expensive kind of car or appliance to make me feel complete.
“Do humans need authentic relationships with each other? Do they need love of any kind? Or are they just conditioned to want them?”
youtube.com/watch?v=_0hxl03JoA0
So, suppose for whatever reason you don’t feel capable of forming authentic relationships, and still feel lonely even when you’re with friends and family, what would you say is a sensible response to the inability to fulfill that need?
A “normal” response to that inability would be frustration and anger at first. Then, perhaps, over time, a resignation that things will never change, resulting in a lasting feeling of inner emptiness (but not the good kind of emptiness).
But, note that any relationship is a dance between two people, and it takes two to tango. If you’re not able to form a relationship with a person, it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you. It could indicate something wrong with the other. Usually, that something is an egoic barrier of sorts – you’re not good enough for me, I don’t need you, you’re too weird for me, you’re not cool like the other people, I don’t want your depression to rub off on me, whatever the ego can come up with … perhaps the polar opposites of all these reasons (ex – I’m not good enough for you).
So, do you think I should go on accepting that feeling of inner emptiness for the rest of my life, if nothing else can change?
Believe me, it’s something wrong with me, rather than others. There’s things about myself (which I won’t go into) that I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to accept. Which means I have to keep everyone at a distance, and any relationship is based on a deception of who I really am. Which means that even with ‘friends’ the loneliness never really fades.
The only difference between you and these others is that you’re honest (to yourself) about your flaws and they’re probably not. How do I know this ? Because everyone on this Earth has flaws. And most are scared shitless to admit them, even to themselves. So, both you and the others are being deceptive. The only question is – are you okay with your flaws and are you okay with others knowing them.
I guess what I’m saying is – you’re selling yourself short. You’re going around feeling defective, and hence, marketing yourself as being defective, even if you don’t say it explicitly. This comes across to others as low self-esteem or depression or whatever else. It’s an energy field or vibe that you put out. People can smell it on you. The only difference between you and some arrogant jerk who thinks he’s God’s gift to mankind, is that he masks his insecurities with arrogance (mistaken by people to be “confidence”), while your outer appearance is more sincere (reflects your inner feelings of unworthiness). You and the arrogant ass have the same inner feelings, but market yourselves outwardly in completely opposite ways.
If you don’t expect anyone to accept you for who you are, then be prepared for a lifetime of loneliness because you have just served yourself that sentence. You have contrived some rules in your head that say that you’re unacceptable. No one else has, but you have. You seem quite convinced that something is wrong with you, but nothing is wrong with others. Not sure what kind of logic you used to derive that conclusion, but it is flawed … of that, I’m sure.
I guess the bottom line is that you don’t have to show “confidence” (totally meaningless concept) or the opposite (low self-esteem). No need for black or white. Just be who you are. That’s the best you can do and the best you can BE. If others don’t accept you, that’s their choice. They will miss out on the good stuff you have to offer, and also on your flaws.
I know you don’t like spirituality, but it is so very practical. Everyone is identical in their essence, so no person is “better” than any other – that’s just popular belief, which doesn’t make it right. Everyone’s equal. When you make that realization, that whole egoic concept of “self-esteem” and competition with others and comparison to others will all just disappear. And, you will realize that all you need to be is yourself.
Alternatively, put on an act of deception your whole life, and you will probably never experience real intimacy. You will probably attract all the wrong (for you) kinds of people.
I think the reason it is so easy to think that you’re wrong and others are right is numbers. If, out of 100 people in a room, 98 tell you that you’re defective, it’s easy to feel like they’re right 🙂
This is the bullshit logic that has transformed the world into the big beautiful cesspool that it is.
What if those 98 people are just puppets echoing what they’ve heard from others or on TV ? What if those other 2 people actually used their own brains and came up with original thoughts ? In an almost entirely insane world, why would you want to believe the majority and not the minority ?
Even my own past therapists have used such flawed logic to convince me that there’s something wrong with me !!! It is outrageously stupid to think that the majority is right just because they are the majority.
Please think for yourself. That’s probably the best thing I’ve written so far on this thread, and probably the only thing I needed to say.
Let’s just say that some flaws are bigger than others. I agree that nobody’s perfect, but there are some things that just aren’t acceptable, wherever you go. There are small deceptions, little white lies, and then there are massive fucking skeletons in your closet. I’m definitely not ok with the ‘flaw’ in question, and others knowing about it is a threat I know I could never risk.
I agree that it’s a vibe I give off that other people can sense. The problem is, I am defective. Not just by my rules, but by societies. So the only way I can overcome that problem is self-deceit. I’m expecting a lifetime of loneliness, but I’m not sure if that’s something I should put myself through.
I’m not saying that nothing is wrong with others. I’m saying that the problems I experience are overwhelmingly caused by the things that are wrong with me.
As we’ve discussed, I don’t believe in essence, spirit, or anything that defines us beyond the stuff in our heads and our actions in the world. I don’t believe that Saddam Hussein was essentially the same as the Dalai Lama. Some people are better in terms of the contents of their character. Some are worse. I’m not saying I’m Saddam Hussein, but it’s a scale. Some people are ‘beyond the pale’ usually for good reason.
If thinking for yourself is rule #1, rule #2 is that convincing never works, a person has to see something for him/herself. I will let you do just that.
So, I guess I don’t have anything more to add that I haven’t already said. Your mind seems to be made up.
ok, thanks for commenting.