I don’t know if it’s a myth, maybe just a terribly long and torturous journey we sometimes find ourselves exhausted way beyond return half way through.
I’m convinced of the same thing most of the time. I’ll have a single day of hope every so often, but the rest of the time I’m hopeless and emotionally destroyed.
Getting better. Hmmm. My experience is, I guess, not one of what I would call getting better as in being healed and no longer suffering, like from a cold, as much as it has been a “beginning to come to terms”, if that makes sense. All the shit is still right where it’s always been, ready to manifest and explode. What I’m learning now is concession. Conceding that I am limited by my thinking, and there’s just no point fighting battles that I know I can’t win. I can do some things, like work, take care of myself and my cats, and maintain a relatively quiet existence, but many of the things I hoped for in life remain just out of my grasp because I tell myself I deserve nothing good. So, it’s like a draw, with the edge going to “The Shit”, which will eventually be my demise. Like a dam holding back a lake, but the damn dam is crumbling and the water is leaking through. It’s the best I can ask for. So, getting better? No, probably not, not me anyway. Hanging on while I have the strength to do so, yeah, that’s about it.
Some people do seem to get less miserable/suicidal, when circumstances in their lives change. I think that’s particularly true if you’re still a teenager, and life events come thick and fast.
Others seem to come to terms with their lives – eventually, gradually, something in their minds shifts. I guess that’s more something that comes with middle age and experience. Maybe you eventually just give up on the thought processes that bring you misery.
Whether either of these will apply to you I couldn’t say. I suppose it largely depends on the stories you’re telling yourself (which we all do.)
10 comments
only half? o_O
I don’t know if it’s a myth, maybe just a terribly long and torturous journey we sometimes find ourselves exhausted way beyond return half way through.
Define better. Its only someone else’s opinion.
No longer constantly miserable and craving death.
I’m convinced of the same thing most of the time. I’ll have a single day of hope every so often, but the rest of the time I’m hopeless and emotionally destroyed.
yea today must be a bad day for you looking back how you jumped on my case over nothing on you other post
Don’t take your drama onto my post please. Thanks.
Getting better. Hmmm. My experience is, I guess, not one of what I would call getting better as in being healed and no longer suffering, like from a cold, as much as it has been a “beginning to come to terms”, if that makes sense. All the shit is still right where it’s always been, ready to manifest and explode. What I’m learning now is concession. Conceding that I am limited by my thinking, and there’s just no point fighting battles that I know I can’t win. I can do some things, like work, take care of myself and my cats, and maintain a relatively quiet existence, but many of the things I hoped for in life remain just out of my grasp because I tell myself I deserve nothing good. So, it’s like a draw, with the edge going to “The Shit”, which will eventually be my demise. Like a dam holding back a lake, but the damn dam is crumbling and the water is leaking through. It’s the best I can ask for. So, getting better? No, probably not, not me anyway. Hanging on while I have the strength to do so, yeah, that’s about it.
Some people do seem to get less miserable/suicidal, when circumstances in their lives change. I think that’s particularly true if you’re still a teenager, and life events come thick and fast.
Others seem to come to terms with their lives – eventually, gradually, something in their minds shifts. I guess that’s more something that comes with middle age and experience. Maybe you eventually just give up on the thought processes that bring you misery.
Whether either of these will apply to you I couldn’t say. I suppose it largely depends on the stories you’re telling yourself (which we all do.)
Yes. Middle aged, painfully slow learner, but yes, you give up on the processes that hurt. Good way of putting it.