I had my first Major episode 3 years ago, down to the day. I honestly miss it. Not the suicide attempts, the sensation of rotting on the inside, or telling my mom I want to never wake up in the morning. HELL no. I miss how simple it all was. Life too stressful? Never get out of bed. Too painful when people glance at you? Your room is your existence. Feel like a piece of shit? Sleep 14 hours, shed 20 pounds, and watch Netflix shows, if you still have the energy.
Nowadays, the episodes last a day if I’m lucky, and I’m almost screaming for it to come back. It’s like having an abusive ex, and he’s the poison and the cure.
I want to say that I love you guys (sorry if the emotion is too painful for you). I know our minds & emotions are crushed because of our family genes, or life came and left us bleeding.
Imagine if you were in a dark hallway, slumped against the wall, and you looked around. There are others around you, in the same agony as you. You slowly try to slide over, pull your arm around one of them, and just be there. Together.
I’m sorry this is happening to us. Alone. We deserve better than this shit.
1 comment
*sits in the alley with you* yeah this sucks. It truly does. Love you too. I’m glad we all have each other. I hope you’re doing well. Or at least better than normal.