A love affair with lorazepam

Drugs will kill you in either of two ways, namely overdose or withdrawal, i.e. you will die either due to them or due to the lack of them. This is apparently so contradictory and difficult to understand for non-drug addicts but that’s good, they don’t have to. It’s all fucking sick anyway.
I guess many of you on this site are no strangers to drugs. They probably know first hand the course of addiction.
It begins with a little and then your insatiable hunger for more will be reflected in the linear increase in your dosage, mathematically speaking. Biologically, that’s called tolerance. Morally, that’s called loss of control!
6 months ago, I suffered from a traumatic experience in my life. As many of you on this site know, for us the saying “What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger” is not true. Maybe “What doesn’t kill you, only prolongs the misery of your wretched existence.” is closer to reality.
Anyway, 3 months after that I started experimenting with a drug called Lorazepam. It’s a benzodiazepine, or a sleeping pill in layman’s terms. Its safer than heroin because it doesn’t fund terrorism, wont get you in jail, and you can buy it at a medical store rather than a drug dealer.
If you take a good amount of it, you will sleep like a heroine addict; but once you are hooked, without it you will be like a meth addict- bloodshod eyes, restlessness and staying awake for three nights on end.
O! and there is another side effect, anterogade amnesia. You start to forget everything that occurs when you are on the drug. You look back and all you see are memory gaps through-out the day, blank pages with one or few lines on them.
Lorazepam is supposed to be an anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety drug. But when you try to remember where were you for a whole day, who was it that you spoke to or what was it you talked about……….its quiet anxiety provoking.
For those of you who are thinking of trying drugs, have already been introduced to drugs or are in the early stages of addiction; my advice to you is think again.
Try a simple exercise, try picturing your life 6 months down the line. I got hooked on to drugs when I lost someone on whom I had grown so dependent on for all feelings of well-being that when I had to let go there was just a vast expanse of emptiness that had to be filled up inside………somehow…..anyhow!
I looked for something that would instantly make the pain disappear. Drugs worked……..although maybe not in full measure of the word disappear. But pain has to endured sooner or later. Drugs can make you numb to the pain, if taken in substantial amounts, but they wont save you from your own mental torment. Our society makes it easy for you to be introduced to drugs……..its just your decision to refrain.