IM SORRY THIS IS A LITTLE LONG BUT PLEASE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF I FEEL GUILTY BUT I DONT KNOW IF IM IN THE WRONG AND I LOVE HIM BUT HATE HIM AND I WANT TO DIE. HELP ME. please.
so there is a guy, who ive liked for a long time and he seems to sometimes like me but sometimes doesnt. He is on and off. if you read my previous post, he is the sam eperosn as Guy #1. So anyways, a few months ago he asked for a somewhat revealing photo of me, and my mind being delusional and me being in love with him, i did. He took advantage. no he didnt show people or spread rumours, he isnt like that. he IS a nice guy who i still like.
but so since he would ignore me for long epriods of time then come back only to leave again, and it played with my emotions too much. i strated talking to another boy, who treats me right.
But now guy 1 is back, and he keeps asking for revealing images of me. and i keep saying no. then two days ago he had a big thing that evening ad said “pic for good luck???” and i was having a terrible day, he knew i was in a huge fight with a best friend, so i said “idk maybe im not in the mood” and he sent a bunch of very very sad faces and stuff and i was like “im sorry” and he sent a crying emoji. and i feel bad VERY easily, so i said fine and sent a mirror selfie with ALL OF MY CLOTHES ON, FULLY DRESSED, where my butt was kind of visible (again, i was wearing clothes). and he said “niceee” but then later he said “what about no shirt?” and i said “no im sorry not now” and he said “what would i ahve to do to beg you” and i said “idk maybe later but not now im sorry”. i was having a bad day, id dint want to. i was talking to another guy, i still am, and sending these to someone else feels like cheating, plus i dont want those images out there anyways!!!! and so then i said “good luck though!” for the thing he wanted luck for. and he goes “doesnt feel like enough”. i said “oh im sorry….”
like does my body give him luck? no? so my body is more valid and important than my own words….??????? so THEN after his thing i aske dhow it was and he seemed very annoyed. and i asked if he was mad and he said yes. and i said why, i was very confused because i didnt do anything…. i dont think…?
he said “im frustrated because you say you will do something, then you dont.” and im like “why do you need the photos anyways? i said good luck? i never even said yes or agreed i said idk maybe” and he said “k”. and i asked to call him and talk it out and he denied it, then i said “why do you keep getting mad at me, you seem to keep being angry for things i do” and he said “well idk so”, and then i said:
“im sorry to disappoint you..” and he says “you seem to be doing that a lot lately.”
then i pretty much didnt reply after that because it broke my heart.
that was the end. its been 2 or three days and he hasn’t said a word to me. he has gotten mad over this same situation once before.
am i in the wrong? like did i do something wrong….? i feel soooo guilty like i almost threw up from this overwhelming me.
to make ti worse, about 5 days ago we facetimed and i had a mental breakdown saying how i feel like everyone hates me and stuff and i broke down and he talked me through it and he helped me. then this happened…… how could he..?
HELP WHAT DO I DO SOMEONE PLEASE.
12 comments
You said no.
He kept pressuring you.
He is 150% in the wrong.
He is NOT a nice guy. He is occasionally a nice guy and often a shitty guy. “Guy” is also a suspect term here. He is more of a child.
Keep saying no.
If he acts like a baby stop talking to him. You aren’t his babysitter.
Adults do nice things for each other because it pleases them, not because they want something in return.
Those are words to live by in that last sentence. Thanks for sharing them.
Great response from SeeSmith. A mature adult won’t pressure other people, nor will they throw a fit over being turned down from some sexual activity.
“No means no.”
Sometimes it means, “I do like you, but I’m not in the mood right now,” and other times it means, “I think that what you’re asking of me is degrading/I’m not comfortable with that.”
A NON-user who genuinely likes you will accept this graciously and won’t try to force you into it. Everyone has their own tastes and preferences; if you want to get along with somebody you have to understand that they might not be into the same types of stuff that you are (which includes trading nude pictures).
You probably already know what to do but don’t want to. He’s a loser and user. You may think he’s great, and he might be 10%of the time but you need to cut him off and never speak to him again. You are worth more than 10%. He’s probably got major problems that he needs to fix and you can’t help him. He may have think he’s great as is and he’s NOT. this website called
chumplady.com is great. It’s all about toxic relationships and how to get out. Sometimes we aren’t ready to leave and need to suffer more, until we are ready. Anyway, he’s not going to improve with time, that’s for sure. I’m sorry that he’s hurting you. (Believe you me, I totally get it. I’m going through my own hell). Hugs and prayers for you.
I’m curious, how old are you?
18.
This made me very angry. This guy is a creep and he is trying to make you feel guilty for not sending nude pics. Do not give in and do not talk to him again.
He is preying on you because you are vulnerable. I hate guys like that. I encountered these assholes on dating sites. They ask for naked pictures and I say “No. I don’t send pics like that.” Then they go into attack mode and call names or start acting like a jerk, then I never talk to them again.
I wish I could curse that prick out you’re talking to. Stay away from guys like that.
Yes exactly! I saw this post and didn’t want to be the first to say say this and didn’t want to sound harsh. I agree with brokenandbent. The guy is a jerk and you shouldn’t be involved with him. Guys tend to be hot/cold only to get what they want. They know if they ignore you or give you the silent treatment, or be bad to you, you’ll come back and try to please him and give in to what they want.
You’re young, you will learn that many men are users and will try to get sex or pics out of you. A guy who doesn’t respect your “No” is just not a good guy.
True exchange between me and someone I knew who asked for nude pics:
Me: “But I’m not currently your girlfriend and you don’t act like you care about me in that way. Why do you want my pictures?”
Him: “I don’t need to care about someone to want to see them naked. Pictures of women online are perfect. Naked and silent.”
…I knew this fellow well enough to know he has many, many issues, but at least I would point it out to him and I didn’t let him pressure me or take advantage of me. Sometimes people need someone to show them that they’re being a jerk or they’ll never realize how wrong they are, and how much they’re objectifying others.
That said, it is very hurtful to have to deal with users and you’re better off not having them in your life.
One of the healthiest things you can do in your life is establish clear, understandable boundaries. This is not an issue for me, but it once was. A lot of people have been helped by a book entitled, “Boundaries”.
He can ask all he wants, but “No” is an easy word to say and an easy word to understand. If your “NO” is not respected, then the person is of low character and does not respect you. So whether you like him or not is irrelevant. So, repeat after me: En Oh. No. Period.
Once it is clear in your mind, it really IS that simple.
I can relate to feeling guilt over things like that. But just because he’s helped you doesn’t mean you owe him anything, and just because he got annoyed doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. He should learn that it people can’t and won’t always do what he wants them to when it makes them uncomfortable, and I think it’s a good thing that you didn’t let him pressure you into doing more. It would have made you feel worse in the long run and made him more likely to keep doing it. It’s better to try to end the situation before it becomes a cycle. I know it can feel horrible to disappoint someone you care about, but you should be proud that you managed to – you’re saving yourself far more pain than it’d be worth, and it’ll make it easier when you have to face similar situations in the future. I used to feel so much guilt over situations like that, but you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s something he can easily get elsewhere and isn’t something he needs from you, and it’ll only be a good thing for him and other girls he talks to if he starts to realise that trying to persuade people into doing what he wants and getting annoyed when they don’t affects other people too and won’t always work well for him. So try to let the guilt pass and keep reminding yourself that what you did was completely okay and a kindness to yourself. He probably can’t see how it’s making you feel at all, but your feelings are valid and if it becomes a problem that keeps happening then it’ll be better to get some distance from him. You haven’t and won’t be doing anything wrong – just protecting yourself and respecting your own feelings. I wouldn’t get in touch again unless it was to tell him it upset you and it isn’t something you’re going to do with him. If he realises how it affected you and doesn’t put his own feelings before you and respects you as a friend, he’ll get in touch to tell you and try to move past it. But I’d be wary of relying on him as a friend or having him in your life at all. It sounds like it’s something he’s likely to do again. Just be clear that it won’t happen, and don’t let him keep trying when it makes you feel like this. It might seem impossible not to have him in your life when you’re feeling so bad and need support, but even though it’s difficult it could make your life a lot easier in the long run. I hope the guilt doesn’t feel as overwhelming soon. He’s just being immature – it’s not worth feeling so terrible over. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that you only did what’s healthy for yourself. Find and lean on any support you have. I hope you feel better soon. 🙂
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