I was so angry earlier. Mad at god, life, whatever; now I don’t feel anything. A buzzing calm.
My head feels full of fuzz. Static. I feel like I could do anything without suffering any consequences. I could take a knife and stab myself in the leg if I felt so inclined. I truly believe that I would not feel a thing.
Intrusive thoughts that always scare me aren’t even bothering me now. I could do anything. I could. If I wanted to. But all I want to do right now is sit here. I want to see how long I can sit here until everyone wakes up and asks me if I’ve slept at all.
I feel like maybe I could sit here forever if I wanted to.
Maybe I don’t feel anything because I’m not anything. Do you ever wonder about that? If you’re actually real? I mean, I must be. I can think, can’t I?
Maybe no one else is real. Maybe it’s just me in here.