Calm.

I was so angry earlier.  Mad at god, life, whatever; now I don’t feel anything.  A buzzing calm.

My head feels full of fuzz.  Static.  I feel like I could do anything without suffering any consequences.  I could take a knife and stab myself in the leg if I felt so inclined.  I truly believe that I would not feel a thing.

Intrusive thoughts that always scare me aren’t even bothering me now.  I could do anything.  I could.  If I wanted to.  But all I want to do right now is sit here.  I want to see how long I can sit here until everyone wakes up and asks me if I’ve slept at all.

I feel like maybe I could sit here forever if I wanted to.

Maybe I don’t feel anything because I’m not anything.  Do you ever wonder about that?  If you’re actually real?  I mean, I must be.  I can think, can’t I?

Maybe no one else is real.  Maybe it’s just me in here.