Trust me….
I am here for you….
How those empty words echo through my mind. I let my mask slip for a second to bare my soul, naked and alone. All I want is love, acceptance and maybe even a hug… The prison I am in is guarded by severe loneliness. Serving a life sentence. Why am I an outcast, why am I hated. Why am I alone. I have had it with trying, screw love, friendship and all those things, clearly I am not deserving.
For months on end I have been quiet, festering on the inside, like a virus eating at my soul. Now I am an empty being, broken, trampled and so alone in a dark world. I would cry, but tears have no meaning, pain is no more, just empty numbness. I used to think someone would miss me. I believe no more.
If I only succeed at this one thing so be it….
4 comments
Read your post, feel your pain and aloneness.
I think, at some point, we’re all deserving, but something gets twisted along the way, and we end up believing we’re not, and from there it’s all downhill, with little to no chance of recovery. Who knows.
I agree with chip we are all deserving of happiness it just doesn’t always feel like we can be. We all are worth much more than we think, or so I believe. I have seen people bounce back from things I never thought they’d recover from, and go on to live well. Not all do, indeed I have now lived long enough to watch several close friends fall far from their formerly happy lives. I hope that they may yet rise again. My only point is that life is unpredictable, if you had asked me which friends would thrive ten years ago I would have picked way wrong. Nothing is as constant as change…For better or worse. Last night I was the closest I’ve ever been to killing myself, and today for some reason, I am lucky enough to have a smidgen of hope. I wish you the best, no one should have to go through life utterly alone.
IDK if you are religious or a Christian but I am a believer, sometimes more reluctant than others, and I find it helpful to remember that no matter how bad it gets Christ has descended below it all. He has felt our pain, knows us perfectly, and somehow loves us perfectly still. So I believe at least.
Yes. I am indeed a christian, and for some time it helped. But I have been slowly sinking away. And when I realized I really needed help I reached out to a closest friend of mine from church, and never a word spoken between us again…. just me and my loneliness… my brokenness
Sorry to hear about your friend. Some people just don’t know how to handle things and so they run/ cut you off. Maybe that’s what your friend did…or maybe they just suck. Either way sorry to hear that. I hope things can start looking up for you. Christ is good at fixing broken things. Though always on his time table, and not always by directly removing the burden. I don’t have many close friends and at various times in my life he’s all I’ve had. Sometimes to yell at, curse, thank, beg, complain, vent, or simply talk to. It helped me. Professional Medical help can really work wonders for some as well, def worth a shot. Boy do I wish that someday we can all overcome our various issues no matter where the healing comes from.