I can’t

It’s been long since my last post here,my life has changed way so different..to the worst, oh c’mon it’s maddie,my life won’t turn up,sure,so anyway people think that I’m a psycho or something,this woman who is supposed to be my mother  told them that I’m having a mental problem,That’s because of my last suicide attempt,well i’m okay with this, but people around me,they seem different from me, I see the smiles on their faces, they are happy,i never knew the meaning of happiness, the whole universe is against me,i wish I could stop the pain but, by myself?no I can’t