Need a Friend, Lonely

The usual, I’m new. I read some of the posts and seen the artwork, and I liked them. I found some intelligent liked minded people, though I feel smart and stupid at the the same time. Sooooo as the title stated, I need a friend, a single friend.

I’m not very sociable, in fact crowds can stress me out, and I had have people try to assembly me into a group and its fails. I feel very different from everyone like I was meant to do something big or important, but I feel like a failure. My mom loves me, but even I feel alienated from her. She wants to be me on disability, and now I just feel like a parasite. The government has spend so much money on me with college and hospital, and I think that money could have went to something better or more worthy, maybe feed some hungry mouths. I like school, and want a higher purpose like I want making straight As for the first time until I had to go to Tucker’s.

How can suicide be such a selfish act? One less mouth to feed. No more money being spent on you. No more causing problems for others, and as a whole I would have eliminated some bad genes from the human population. I don’t understand, only my mom would miss me. I don’t have any friends. People tell me I’m a *****, no matter how nice I try to be. They disappear within a week to a year, so making friends is pointless. I feel a little lonely. What would I want in a friend? Isn’t that the right question?

I live in America, in Virginia, around the Richmond area. I need someone, I can see face to face, meet in public. I’m a size 16, weigh 255 pounds, need to lose 100 pounds, I know. I’m also big boned like my fingers don’t go around my wrists. Brown eyes and hair. I need someone highly intelligent, sees the world differently, likes to do things like art and writing. Went to college. I just like to watch TV when I hang out. I prefer female friends, and I am a girl. I don’t really get a long with guys, and I know that they don’t necessarily like me, in fact I get sexually preyed a lot. Men do nothing, but ruin my life, but that’s another rant.

Anyway, I’m writing too much. I need to end this fast.

I wrote poem:

Prozac
Blue tasteless pills
with tiny letters inscribed on them.
five centimeters long and two centimeters wide,
white powder inside. Description on the bottle says Fluoxetine
20 milli-grams, take once a day, may cause dizziness.

“I’m normal at last,” I think.
Stop, aguish psychosis.
Cycle starts again, Or
20 milli-grams, 40 milli-grams, 60 milli-grams,
restoring neurons, it stole.
“ Like insulin,” she says.

One last thing that I would like to share. You know like sex changes, but instead of changing sex, you want to change species Ever had that feeling? I don’t consider myself a other-kin. I really like cartoons and very causal gamer. I’m obsessed with transformers. What if I could design the body and have my mind transferred over like in the cartoons, pretty cool? My transformer name would be BlueDiamond. You can call me Blue for short. I picked the name from Steven Universe because that character was always sad. I even my the song, “What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?” in my head. My alt mode would be blue scaly dragon. When nor in alt mode my dragons wings and tail would stick out because I think it’s cute, though doesn’t fit the Transformer universe. I would have a my dragon like helmet. I should draw this. I would get Brainstorm to help me on this project, though transferring to a new body is a big change. I would have to consider the long term effects like being sterile and things like that. Hope you guys enjoyed my post! Bye!