Ocean

I served a sentence as a foster child. I was abused more in the custody of the state.
I then turn to be a difference in the life of a child. I guess i felt i could save me. As i work with kids to this day i find hurtful, hateful, lying humans saving their own skin from their wrong doings.
I find myself as an adult once again a victim of this false god called child protective services. The only thing they protect is financial gain. Destroy families and put child in more stress and pain.
I am in despair and my mind keeps going to false coping skills of suicide. I know staying a live has given many people hope. I know that i have made a difference. I know that i have given my love, hope and dreams to many children, adults, homeless, addicts, and those who just need a little extra love.
Today, i feel empty. Today i was confronted with a CPS case against me because i turned a school in for not protecting a child from being sexually assaulted. They turned lies on me and even though i had a large support group o felt alone.
I was a helpless child again. A victim of lies and abuse. Today in our society’s expectations of truth is an understatement of lies.
I am emotionally in a dark hole. I can’t seem to emotiomally claw my way out. I find my self looking at my hands and i find myself weak.
I look in the mirror and see a child and not the adult that i am. I try to hold that child in the reflection but the mirror is cold.
My fears raise and i can only see all those left behind in pain. A fast solution to a small emotion, but an emotion that can sink you to the bottom of the ocean.
I just need a life boat, i need to know that i can still go forward and save as many people as i can. I need you to know that i was called “IT” . I want you to know that i can survive.
I need you to love me, and will love you.