Always the Side Chick

It looks like I may still get a job, but I made sure to fail the interview. I told him that I was worried about being sexually harassed like they would have co-workers not doing their jobs but following me around, which I has happened, and he said the his employees aren’t like that and they work hard. If it’s not the co-workers bothering me, it’ll be the customers. I doubt anyone believes me when I tell them about being sexually harassed, bet it’s all in my head, just my huge inflated ego thinking that all the men want me. “sigh”

I then told him that I’m autistic with a major depressive disorder, which is true, and that I’ve been to Tucker’s, and he’s like that he has friends who been to Tucker’s. Here I am thinking that if this was another interview, I would be out the door by now. I did a drug test, and they told what my pay would be. 10.58, I remember how the old me would have loved to be paid this amount, when I making 8.00 dollars an hour. 10 dollars isn’t much, but I thought that it was a leap. Now, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be dropped like a hot sack of potatoes, or get sexually harassed. Hell, any guy that make friends with at will make sexual comments to me, and here I am trying to nice and not stir trouble. I rather stay at home and be bored to tears, then be paid all the money in the world to deal with people. Rather live on streets and eat the bugs in the grass and cut snakes up so I don’t go hungry, than deal with people. I hope to Primus that they don’t e-mail me back. BTW, apparently people would rather be in my position because I have this opportunity where I don’t have to work.

What was to ***** about today? I been reading the posts on here about people with boyfriends or girlfriends. I can never post to them because if you don’t have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. At least, they know what a serious relationship is like. Here I am floating in outer space. No human being would ever consider a relationship with me, unless he or she is retarded, or desperate. If the people I attract is a negative one, I think I’m better off single. I could make myself more attractive, “get all dolled up”, but then I realize that guys would only like me my looks, or that I’m putting out. This is a no win situation. And why would people want to date me? Would I date me? Hell no. Like what do I bring to the table? Can’t keep a job, very cringsworthy, have a disability which can be spotted once you get to know me, fat, ***** and moan, very depressed, hate men, live in my own world, negative attitude, cynical, hate sex, and not mention boring! At least, I’m self aware. People confuse the fuck out of me. I’m told that I am attractive, but people don’t really treat me like it, so something isn’t adding up. Don’t me tell me it’s the shitty attitude.

Though, if you’re ugly and mean, that’s a double whammy. Guys have told me that I’m attractive, so I ask them to rate me, and I have gotten at least a 7 or an 8 out of 10. Women rank me lower, and say that am average looking. Beauty is subjective, yes.

Anyway, men don’t even want a relationship with me, but only approach me for sex. There was one time I thought a guy liked me, but he only wanted me sex. I’m not even approaching these men, they are the ones coming up to me. They aren’t up front about their intentions, they’ll act friendly, chat me up, and then once we hang out, that’s all it adds up to. Worse of all, I get hit on by married men too. If you’re married and you want to cheat, that’s your business, but please for the love of prime, don’t come to me. This is sad, all I’ve even going to be offered is to be the side chick, while they can go home to their real woman at the end of the day. I had to do so much research into what I was doing wrong. Yes, my social skills suck. I don’t understand people’s indentations, and that’s comes with being autistic. Definitely one of the reasons, I get sexually preyed on so much, and I use to be naïve.

The solution I found was simple. I had to read a Dr. Havrey book. He stated that when a man approaches you, he wants to sleep with you. It can be asking for directions, or sitting next to you in church, which this one is funny because I did have a guy sit next to me in church. I still have questions about this statement like what if he’s asking you if you need help looking for something when in the store? Isn’t he doing his job? Anyway, I accept this statement. My Primus, what an idiot I was. Here, I was trying to be nice to a man. I also read an article that men don’t really want to be friends with women, this was a mistake I was making. I sometimes thought that me and guys could be friends, my primus, I was wrong, and now I know the explanation. I understand men a little better.

I am also influenced by the MGTOW movement. I am too having some difficulties with society and “cough” the opposite sex. I know my last blog, I was passive-aggressive because I can’t join the club because I’m a woman, so I’m like “Ggggrrrrr!” Fine, but I will apply your knowledge, and use for myself. Oh, and kiss my big white ass! Best advice I got from this movement is you don’t play the game. That is exactly what I am doing. The fence is up. I had people whine about how I don’t give people a chance. I do, and surprise, it’s another trap. Avoid men. This formula works, and I’m sticking to it. Also, I’m reprograming my sexuality, or what little I have of it, or whatever it is. Humans disgust me, and really my sexuality is a mess.

I need something new to write about. I’m starting to sound like a broken record. If only I could rid of my obsessive thoughts, but then I’ll be bored without them. Have to see my doctor tomorrow. Better go to bed.