Ok. So I’m “lonely”… to the point where I’ve been talking to this guy that I met online for about a month now. We didn’t exchange photos and virtually know nothing about each other. He has a mean and narcissistic personality. I told him that he’s a jerk. The reason why I didn’t stop talking to him is because he was filling a void. We would flirt and just talk about how our day has been and that’s about it. Nothing too deep. Nothing too personal.
I’m a black woman and never told him this. He didn’t tell me anything about himself either. But then he started asking me for photos. I told him that I would share my photo if he shared his. He didn’t want to share a photo, so he dropped the subject. But he asked me for another photo again a few days later. Part of me didn’t want to show him a photo because I knew that he wouldn’t be into black girls. I could tell from what I gathered about him. And that’s fine. People have their preferences. You can’t help who you’re attracted to. But I did not want to be rejected, I just didn’t feel like it. So I told him no again. Then one night, I just said fuck it, I’ll oblige. I sent him a photo. With the photo I said “I’m sometimes scared to show my photo since so many guys are not into black girls, it sucks to be vulnerable. But anyway, here’s my photo.” And that’s where it ends. He blocked me.
I don’t really care, but I do. It stings anyway. I’m selfish. My only thought was “I lost my flirt toy”. I might be a horrible person for thinking this, but whatever. I just wanted someone to just talk to without pressure. I guess I could have an IRL something, but I don’t really feel like that either. Talking to someone over my phone, flirting a bit, was nice. Now it’s gone because my skin is dark. I feel annoyed, lonely, embarrassed that I talked to this guy in the first place, that I shared a photo even though I knew that he wouldn’t like it and that I lost something else. It’s so dumb. I shouldn’t care, but I do.
17 comments
Sorry this happened to you. It is a loss and those do hurt. Maybe you will have better luck with it next time.
Thanks.
I think I knew he was going to reject me and I wanted it to happen. I shouldn’t have been talking to him in the first place. The only reason why I continued talking to him is because I knew it was going to go south eventually. How long could I respect myself and talk to a jerk… I guess I did it to get it over with. I’m way too good to even have a flirtmance with someone like that.
I think I also showed him my photo to prove my instincts right. I need to start trusting my inner voice.
Yeah, the one sided nature of the picture exchange was quite out of balance. Hurts to have the relationship end now, but it sounds like an ending was inevitable give the dynamics of it. Again sorry it happened.
You brought up a point that’s sad but true. Because of loneliness some of us are so desperate for contact that we’ll get involved with people who are clearly no good for us. We see it coming a mile away but the only other option is loneliness and almost anything is better than that. So we run right into abusive and upsetting relationships that damage us more. Downward spiral. My problem isn’t skin color, I’m just plain ugly. But I guess it stings either way. I’m sorry for what you went through, I don’t have any advice or hope to give but reading what you wrote made me feel better knowing someone understands.
Thanks for reading! The thing about it is I don’t have to be lonely. I could start something up with this other guy that is perfectly lovely and doesn’t care about my skin color. But I know that I’m not stable enough to have a real relationship so that’s why I haven’t pursued it. He doesn’t deserve that. And that’s probably why I got into this train wreck, because I knew it was going to turn into anything real, therefore no real feelings are at stake for being hurt. But still… my feelings are little hurt.
My thought on this is shouldn’t that be his decision? Of course can’t help but think how u should take my own advise…
Sorry , this happened claritee. You’re good in my book, for what its worth
Oops, *I should take my own advise
Yeah, it should be his decision. Gah. I keep going back to this mentality that I know what’s best for other people, which is one of the reasons why my ex broke up with me. I told him that I wasn’t good enough for him. Why couldn’t I just let him decide that? He ended up breaking up with me for this very reason. I am a basket case.
BTW, I don’t know what you look like, but I really doubt you’re “ugly”. Even if you’re not society’s definition of beautiful, I’m sure you have your own wonderful qualities that make you attractive. But I understand… we’re so critical of ourselves.
Beginning with “mean and narcissistic” and ending with “my skin is dark”, this post made me sad. I get loneliness. I get flirting online. But, for goodness sake, Claritee, take a look in the mirror and remind yourself how wonderful you are!
Shake it off! Shake it off! Shake it off!
I agree completely with SweetQuietus. I was sad for you and disappointed in him. I know some people have preferences, and maybe they decide to stop pursuing something romantic because of appearance, but to completely block over something like that? You deserve better. Way better. Nothing like some Taylor Swift to drive that point home.
Thanks <3 You both are great. *shakes it off*
Hello Claritee,
I really don’t know what to say? I’m white but skin color means nothing to me, we are all human, skin color is just that skin color.
I’m older that probably has a lot to do with it, if a black girl feels she can’t be friends with me because of skin color, that’s fine too.
I myself wouldn’t hold back on my skin color especially if it’s a deal breaker what’s the since of conversing with someone that’s that shallow? Everyone is beautiful if they are beautiful inside.
Thanks for saying that, you’re right. There is no point in talking to someone like that. I don’t know why I do this to myself. As soon as I saw what he was like I should have stopped talking to him. My need to give people chances, to see the good in people, really ends up only hurting me in the end.
You know, in the future, if you don’t want to, don’t send your picture. You don’t have to do what others say. You sound sensitive and smart and very kind. Don’t pour yourself into someone who is narrow minded and selfish (ask me how I know!!). You are worth more than this, (for real). May your heart not be wounded from this, but let it teach you instead. I just can’t help but think that you are so lucky you are not the ethnicity of his choice. Honestly, he sounds abusive. He may not be interested, but blocking? Who blocks someone because they sent a picture? Not the sort of company you should keep. This rejection hurts though. And we’ve all been there about something. Heal, but shake it off. Hugs to you.
Sometimes things really are black and white. Never hide who you are because you are beautiful. He was lucky to see even one photo of you. And you are lucky to never see one of him.
Keep smiling