Three years ago, I started this account. Three years ago, I posted my first rant. Today, I’m back. It’s my last day of school. I should be happy, right? Wrong. My friends are all doing something without me, the one person I have always loved isn’t talking to me right now, and my parents don’t care enough to come make sure I’m ok. I’m lost. Somehow, I thought since I had made real friends who loved me that I would be happy. I’m just more depressed than I have been in a long time. Somehow, I thought cutting ties with my best friend would make me feel better. That was dumb. I have no one to go to. I have no one who wants to listen to my problems, and I have no one I hate enough to make them carry me as their burden. I don’t know what I’m doing, or why I’m even still here. Why am I breathing? Why am I not dead yet? I could really use an answer to that question right now, cause I really don’t know anymore.
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Hey dear,
I know how you feel, believe me I do…
& I have a lot to say & I really want to listen to all what You need or want to say but I also don’t want to push & I want to be considerate of your mood… so, for now, I’ll answer your question but I want you to know that I care & I’m here for u whenever u feel ready to talk or listen
So, why r u here?…
Okay, can u please allow me to ask the same question for myself… Why am I here?
Let’s assume that a couple of minutes ago, I had no idea y I’m here…
Let’s assume I too wandered y am i not dead yet…
Then I come across this website & I thought, hey, there’s a person that needs help here…
I can help that person…
So I start typing an answer, I offer help, I console, I listen & talk…
That person feels better & decides not to suicide
What happened now?
I made a difference in someone’s life…
I might helped someone decide not to end their life
I saved that person’s life & I saved their whole family, relatives, neighbors, friends & even people who barely know them from an irreversable tragedy…
A couple of minutes ago, did I know that all this would happen?
No
Had I killed myself at that moment, would I have been able to help anyone else later?
Again, No
Now that i’m still alive, can I help other people?
Definitely…
U c what i’m trying to say here…
I know life probably shouldn’t all be about saving people from suicide but what I mean is that
YOU r here because You CAN do good [in all its forms & by all what the word can mean]
It’s up to you to actually go ahead & do it
I want to give u more examples & go deeper with this, but again… I don’t want this to be too long or too much to take in…
Please let me know when u’r ready
Lots of love, hugs & kisses 🙂
[ps: I don’t know your parents but I bet 9 to 1 they care about u more than u think… They just need u to let them know u need their help & comfort… Xoxo
May I also add one suggestion… If u’r reading this & schoold day isn’t over yet or ur friends haven’t yet started their “activities”… How about u ask them if you could join? If they say yes then u get to do something with ur friends, if they say no [it will be harsh & maybe embaressimg but I say it’s worth taking the risk] then u hav’nt lost anything… U weren’t gonna take part in their plans before u asked them anyway so u didn’t lose anything … What do u think?
I know I said that I’m hoping u reply when u’r ready
so we can talk
& it still stands
I want you to take ur time
but I’ve been reading through ur past posts
& I just wanted to say
It’ll all be okay Sophie,
I promise u…
U’ll be just fine 🙂